


confirm groupchat name as : `the awesome foursome?`

by sugarsong (orphan_account)



Category: South Park
Genre: Crack, Few Slurs, Fluff, Homophobia (Cartman), Light Angst, M/M, No actual foursome, Stereotype (Cartman)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2018-12-06 13:05:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 16,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11601249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/sugarsong
Summary: Clyde creates a friendly fun group chat and obliviously decided to call it The Awesome Foursome. No, there is no actual foursome. Cartman being Cartman decides to make his own group chat and claim it superior.In the end however, they decide to join the two chats into one single group chat. Chaos and homosexuality follows.





	1. The Awesome Foursome

**Author's Note:**

> I need to find something better to do with my life. I deeply apologise if it's too out of character.

The tap-tap-tapping of thumbs on a keypad continuously decided to break whatever silence was still present. Clyde "crybaby" Donovan, known for being pretty much terrible at every subject apart from Phys Ed, had the absolutely  _wonderful_ idea to create a group chat with his tiny little friends group that was still surprisingly stable after seven - nearly eight - years. To be perfectly honest, Jimmy was more out than in at this point.

 

_**[ Token Black has joined No Subject ]** _

 

 ** _Token_ :** Oh hey man

 ** _Clyde_** : Hey hey hey 

 ** _Clyde_ :** What you up to?

 ** _Token_ :** Hwk

 ** _Token_ :** Let me guess

 _ **Token**_ : you haven't even touched your school bag yet have you 

 _ **Clyde**_ : Nope 

_**[ Tweek Tweak has joined No Subject ]** _

 

 ** _Clyde_** :Hiii 

 ** _Tweek_ :** WHAT IS THIS

 ** _Tweek_ :** I DIDNT KNOW I COULD TALK TO 2 PEOPLE AT ONCE

 ** _Token_ :** It's a group chat Tweek

 ** _Tweek_ :** MY FULL NAME SHOWED UP WHEN I JOINED TOO

 ** _Tweek_ :** AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGHHHGHH THAT'S EMBARRASING 

 ** _Clyde_ : **Now all that's left is emo boy

 ** _Token_ : **I don't think Craig's emo.

 ** _Tweek_ : **I DON'T THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA TO ADD HIM

 ** _Tweek_ :** TO THIS GROUP CHAT

 ** _Clyde_ :** Naaaaaahh he loves us and will love this group chat too!

 ** _Tweek_ :** NO SERIOUSLY 

 _ **Token**_ **:** He'll probably leave

 

_**[ Craig Tucker has joined No subject ]** _

 

 ** _Clyde_ :** Ayyyy Craig!

 

_**[ Craig Tucker has left No subject ]** _

 

 _ **Token**_ **:**  I told you

 

**[ Clyde Donovan has invited Craig Tucker to No subject ]**

 

 _ **Clyde**_ **:** Craig if you leave again I'll tell everyone about that little incident on Thursday.

 _ **Craig**_ **:** what the fuck do you want from me

 _ **Craig**_ **:** actually dont even answer motherfucker

 _**Clyde** _**:** _Chill, chill! It's just a fun group chat :D_

 _ **Craig**_ : _use that smiley face again i fucking dare you_

 _ **Clyde**_ : _:D_

 _ **Craig** :_ _sleep with your eyes open_

 _ **Tweek** :_ PLEASE CALM DOWN

 _ **Craig**_ : alright then

 _ **Clyde** :_ Hehehehe Craig's a big softy for Tweekers ;)

 _ **Token**_ : I'll start digging your grave Clyde

 _ **Clyde**_ : _Y_ ou know what

 _ **Clyde** :_ We need to stop calling this amazing group chat ' _No Subject'_

 _ **Clyde**_ : I got an idea!!!!

 _ **Tweek**_ : _PLEASE DONT DO IT_

 _ **Craig** :_ _dont fucking do it_

 _ **Token**_ : _I think it's too late now_

 _ **Craig**_ :i swear

 _ **Craig**_ :if you fucking do it

_**[ Clyde has changed No Subject to The Awesome Foursome ]** _

_**Craig**_ : _facepalm and flipping off_

 _ **Tweek**_ : I dont think you can

 _ **Tweek**_ : do that in a chat

 _ **Craig** :_  _shhhh_

 _ **Token** :_ Clyde

 _ **Token**_ : Do you even know what that means?

 **Clyde** : YEP

 _ **Clyde**_ : Duh, we're awesome!

 _ **Token**_ : We sure are...

 _ **Craig**_ : please see a doctor


	2. Eric & the Gaylords

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cartman creates nothing but a disaster of a group chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, the first chapter got a lot of support! Thanks!

 

Clyde smiled like the over-confident bastard he was when it was announced over the intercom that his team had won the football match. He took his time turning around, expecting to face a crowd of students yelling in cheer and congratulating him for the victory.

Instead however, he was met with a punch right smack in the face by none other than Craig motherfucking Tucker.

"Don't you dare start crying, that was for yesterday." He mumbled coldly, giving him a sharp as flint look. 

Clyde whimpered, holding both hands to his cheek in agony. "Why are you such a dick?"

The other boy rolled his eyes, "You're the one who changed the group chat's name to 'the awesome foursome' and _I'm_ a dick?"

"What's up cocksuckers, what's this about a group chat?"

Clyde whipped around to face the number one fatass since fourth grade. Eric Cartman - nobody really calls him Eric at school. Cartman was known for being a straight-up manipulator and one of the biggest dicks in the school. But nowadays, nobody really listened to him, not even Butters who was one of his main victims to his manipulation. Kenny and his feelings for the little blond was to be thanked for that. 

"What the fuck do you want fatass?" Craig groaned, clearly not in the mood to be dealing with two nuisances this morning.

Cartman snarled, "We all fucking know that I'm not a fatass anymore! Anyway, just answer the question and I'll leave your sorry ass."

"I made this super cool group chat with Craig and- _OW!"_  

"Shut up... why are you telling him?" He fiercely whispered whilst sighing because he knew it was already too late.

Cartman grinned to their despair, "A  _group chat_ eh? A  _super cool_ one eh...? As if you're little group of ass-lickers are gonna beat me in any way!"

 

 

*  *  *  *  *

 

 

_**[ Kyle Broflovski has joined Eric and the Gaylords ]** _

 

 _ **Kyle**_ : Why did I even bother accepting the invite 

 _ **Cartman**_ : Oh it's gaylord numba one Kahl

 _ **Kyle**_ : Fuck off fatass

 _ **Kyle**_ : Honestly what even is this

 _ **Cartman**_ : It's mah supa cool group chat

 _ **Cartman**_ : But now that I think about it, you being here makes it un-supa cool! 

 

_**[ Stanley Marsh has joined Eric and the Gaylords ]** _

 

 _ **Kyle**_ : Anything made by you is bound to be ' _un-supa cool_ ' already! 

 _ **Stan**_ : Oh hi dude 

 _ **Kyle**_ : Hey Stan

 _ **Kyle**_ : Help me 

 _ **Stan**_ : Just ignore him 

 _ **Cartman**_ : Gaylord number 2 is here

 **Cartman** : now you can start licking eachother's balls yeah

 _ **Stan**_ : Okay that's it 

 _ **Kyle**_ : I thought you said to ignore him...

 _ **Cartman**_ : Where the fuck is the poor kid

 _ **Cartman**_ : actually we don't even need him

 

_**[ Kenneth McCormick has joined Eric and the Gaylords ]** _

 

 _ **Kenny**_ :  no

 _ **Kenny**_ :  here i am 

 _ **Kyle**_ : Hi Kenny 

 ** _Stan_  **: Hey 

 ** _Kenny_  **: hi guys

 ** _Kenny_  **: cartman being a douche again?

 ** _Cartman_  **: Shut up Kenneh

 **Cartman** : It's already gay enough in here why did you even come 

 ** _Kenny_  **: i'm not the one who invited me here lol

 ** _Kenny_  **: that was 

 ** _Kenny_  **: you. 

 _ **Kyle**_ : Oh crap I gtg

 ** _Stan_ : **Damn see you later man

 ** _Kyle_  **: Sorry my mom wants me to go buy bread then feed the stupid dicks with her friend's dumb five year old kid.

 ** _Kenny_  **: dicks? can i come along?

 ** _Stan_  **: Kyle what?

 ** _Cartman_  **: Feed some dicks? Damn how gay can you get

 ** _Kyle_  **: wait

 ** _Cartman_  **: Living up to your title gay lord number 1

 _ **Kyle**_ : _*_ _DUCKS *DUCKS_

 _ **Kyle**_ : I meant DUCKS

 _ **Kenny**_ : awwww

 

_**[ Kyle Broflovski has gone offline ]** _

 

 _ **Kenny**_ : welp i'm gonna go to buttercup's house see ya

 _ **Stan**_ : Isn't he grounded?

 _ **Kenny**_ : naaah 

 _ **Kenny**_ : plus rn i'm too horny

 _ **Stan**_ : Alright I didn't need to know that.

 ** _Stan_  **: Aren't you always horny?

 ** _Kenny_  **: ;'''')

 ** _Stan_  **: God... 

 

*  *  *  *  *

 

 

"Are you guys... fighting over which group chat is best?" Wendy questioned, tilting her head to the side a little. 

 All attention was onto the two boys - Clyde and Cartman.

Both had claimed their group chat was better than the other. Just what you'd expect from the two. Stan and Kyle stood back, Kyle leaning on Stan's shoulder in distress. They were both dragged here against their will to " _you two cocksuckers better fucking back me up_ ". Meanwhile, Kenny wasn't bothered to stick around to witness anymore of the bickering and lead Butters off somewhere else, heaven knows what for.

"Admit it," Token stepped in to stand beside Clyde. "This is one of the most unreasonable things to fight over, we were the first to make a group chat." Cartman crossed his arms in frustration and denial. "Nuh-uh! Even if you did, my one's still better than your fucking lame chat!" 

"Okay _STOP_!" Everyone's attention turned to Wendy who was absolutely sick and fucking tired of their bullshit. "Combine your two chats and try to keep it that way! Nobody's going to win here because you're both being equally stupid and unreasonable about your group chats!"

Standing on her right was Bebe who agreed, "Nobody gives a shit if you despise each-other too. Just do it for crying out loud."

And that is the reason why...

 

 *  *  *  *  

 

_**[ Leopold Stotch has joined Eric's Slaves ]** _

 

 _ **Butters**_ : Oh.. that's not a very nice name

 _ **Stan**_ : No shit Butters.

 _ **Stan**_ : Someone please change it

 

_**[ Kenneth McCormick has changed Eric's Slaves to Kenny's bitches ]** _

 

 _ **Kenny**_ : that's better

 _ **Kenny**_ : also stan be nicer to my buttercup ok?

 _ **Tweek**_ : I DON'T THINK THAT'S ANY BETTER

 _ **Craig**_ : same here

 _ **Cartman**_ : Dear lord how did I forget about you two

 ** _Cartman_  **: There's too many gay lords here

 

_**[ Clyde Donovan has changed Kenny's bitches to The Awesome Foursome + others ]** _

 

 _ **Kyle**_ : HEY!

 _ **Stan**_ : Dude we're not 'others'

 _ **Stan**_ : What the fuck is the awesome foursome?

 _ **Token**_ : Ignore that

 

_**[ Craig Tucker has changed The Awesome Foursome + others to fuckng kys ]** _

 

_**[ Clyde Donovan has changed fuckng kys to That's not very nice :'( ]** _

 

_**[ Craig Tucker has changed That's not very nice :'(  to stfu i know ]** _

**_Wendy_** :  _S T O P_

 _ **Craig**_ : who tf invited you here _  
_

_**Cartman**_ :  Yeah what gaylord number 5 said

 

_**[ Craig Tucker has kicked Eric Cartman from stfu i know ]** _

 

 _ **Craig**_ : u know what i'm actually enjoying this now

 _ **Tweek**_ : I think you should add him back

 _ **Clyde**_ : Yeah before he belly flops us all

 ** _Kyle_  **: LOL

 ** _Craig_  **: shut up clyde

 ** _Craig_  **: sure tweek whatever

 

_**[ Craig Tucker has invited Eric Cartman to stfu i know ]** _

_**Butters**_ : I'm just glad we sorted this out fellas

 ** _Kenny_  **: awwww buttercup

 ** _Wendy_  **: And who do we have to thank for that?

 

_**[ Eric Cartman has gone offline ]** _

_**[ Kyle Broflovski has gone offline ]** _

_**[ Clyde Donovan has gone offline ]** _

_**[ Token Black has gone offline ]** _

_**[ Kenneth McCormick has gone offline ]** _

_**[ Leopold Stotch has gone offline ]** _

_**[ Craig Tucker has gone offline ]** _

_**[ Tweek Tweak has gone offline ]** _

_**[ Stanley Marsh has gone offline ]** _

 

 _ **Wendy**_ : .... 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, the chapters will be longer than the first as I think you can see.


	3. To-do list

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenny, being the cupid he is, attempts to bring forth operation 'Style are Homos™' (with the unhelpful contribution of Clyde of course). Meanwhile, Butters makes Craig say the most cheesiest things in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Bunny is here to drag our favourite homos out of the closet. And no, I don't have a proof-reader lol.

"Hey.. hey Ky.." Clyde whispered, nudging the other boy and earning himself a deep green piercing glare full of pure resent.

Kyle was the only one out of his friends who passed the Mathematics test with flying colours and was put into the top class. Well - there was the only exception of Clyde. How did Clyde get into the same class as Kyle in the first place? Oh right, he somehow  _cheated_ without getting caught by the sharp eyes of the teacher. How exactly? To this day, Nobody fucking knows.

Kyle sighed heavily, rolling his eyes in annoyance, "What? What is it Clyde? If you'd be so kind to notice, I'm trying to focus here."

Clyde smirked, pleased that he finally got his attention after countless nudges. "How do you manage to curl your hair _every_ single day?"

He blinked, squinting. "I was born with- _hey_ you already asked me that question! Oh piss off-"

The teacher slammed his palms onto their desk, causing them both to jolt upright and look up. "Mr Mackey's office. Now." 

They both groaned in unison - Kyle was especially annoyed, his chair screeching against the floor as he got up. 

They exited the room, shutting the door before more giggles from the rest of the class reached their ears. They forced their feet to move as they walked down the hallway, the shorter boy trying not to make eye-contact as much as possible to show that he was angry for getting them into trouble. However, he didn't take the hint.

"Urgh... Mr. Mackey is like, a hundred years old by now. How is he still working here?" Clyde shoved his hands into his pockets, sighing in discontent as the office door came into view. Outside the door, sitting and waiting to be verbally chewed out again was Craig. No surprise there.

Clyde paused whilst Kyle went inside. "Hey Craig! How long have you been here? Let me guess, this is your one hundredth time this week right? And it's not even Wednesday yet." It's true. Not the over-exaggeration of course but you could bet about a thousand bucks that could be possible for him. Craig just quietly flipped him off, it was his specialty. 

Clyde chuckled a little but put on a straight face again, forcing himself to enter the office. Only Kyle and Kenny. He guessed Mr. Mackey was off dealing with Cartman in some other room or some shit like that. He walked over to the other two.

He leaned against the wall, listening on on their conversation. Kyle glanced over, questioning the signature orange parka boy. "Kenny, why're you in here?" In his head, he guessed that he put some dirty stuff on the board.

"Boobs. I put boobs on the screen." 

"Of course... anyway, how's it going with you and Butters?" 

"Whoa, what's this? Kyle being interested in a relationship involving....  _romance!?"_  He teased, smirking as Kyle punched him lightly.

"Shut up... you're my friend so of course I'd want to know!" Crossing his arms, he huffed.

"Oh really? I don't think so, it's actually because you want to know how two _boys_ confessed and got together." Kenny retorted smugly. 

Clyde caught on fast, "Kyle you want to know how to be Stan's girlfriend right? I mean, _boyfriend_ , right?"

Kyle sent them both flipping off of their chairs.

 

*  *  *. *  * 

 

 

_**[ Stanley Marsh has joined stfu i know ]** _

 

 _ **Stan**_ : It's still called 'stfu i know'?

 _ **Kenny**_ : ooo i see stan is online

 _ **Kenny**_ : how's being sick at home?

 _ **Stan**_ : Meh

 _ **Stan**_ : I'm just happy not being at school

 ** _Stan_** : You sneaking on your phone?

 _ **Kenny**_ : yep, i'm not letting this one get confiscated hehe

 _ **Kenny**_ : anyway, enough about school

 _ **Kenny**_ : when do u plan on hooking up with ky?

 _ **Stan**_ : what

 _ **Stan**_ : Stfu

 _ **Kenny**_ : u don't need to tell me what's on your to-do list bro

 _ **Stan**_ : ....

 _ **Kenny**_ : ik what else is on your to-do list as well

 _ **Stan**_ : Don't say it

 ** _Kenny_** : kyle

 

_**[ Stanley Marsh has kicked Kenneth McCormick from stfu i know ]** _

 

 _ **Stan**_ : Oh right, with everyone at school 

 _ **Stan**_ : I can do what I want with this group chat 

 

_**[ Kyle Broflovski has joined stfu i know ]** _

 

 _ **Stan**_ : Kyle!

 _ **Stan**_ : what the hell when did  _you_ start sneaking on your phone?

 _ **Kyle**_ : it's not kyle

 _ **Kyle**_ : it's me kenny, i stole his phone

 _ **Stan**_ : Wait what

 ** _Stan_** : How?

 _ **Kyle**_ : wait i mean

 _ **Kyle**_ : Nevermind I'm Ky

 _ **Kyle**_ : _STAN ILY FUCK ME ~~_

 _ **Stan**_ : Fuck off Kenny he never refers to himself as Ky

 ** _Stan_** : Also that is  _waaaaay_ out of character.

 ** _Kyle_** : ohohoh so you know your sweetheart very well

 ** _Kyle_** : couples goals dude,

 _ **Kyle**_ : couple goals

 ** _Stan_** : Yeah, a lot better than breaking into your lover's house

 _ **Kyle**_ : hey that's called commitment

 _ **Kyle**_ : when have  _i_ , kenny, ever been a commitment guy?

 ** _Kyle_** : only for my buttercup

 ** _Stan_** : Whatever

 _ **Kyle**_ : dude. just. confess.

 ** _Stan_** : fine..

 ** _Kyle_** : oh shit he's coming back

 _ **Kyle**_ : holy fuck he already kicked clyde in the balls

 _ **Kyle**_ : be careful stan during sex, he's gonna be a rough type

 _ **Stan**_ : Give. Him. Back. His. Phone.

 ** _Kyle_** : don't forget to add me back to the gc k?

 ** _Kyle_** : plus, just take my advice and just know that kyles homo for u

 _ **Stan**_ : Fuck off Kenny

 _ **Stan**_ : ....

 _ **Stan**_ : Kenny?

 _ **Kyle**_ : I'M SO SORRY STAN, HE TOOK MY PHONE AND

 _ **Kyle**_ : UGH

 _ **Stan**_ : Don't worry about it I know

 _ **Kyle**_ : Oh ok, well, I have to go because Mr. Mackey came back

 _ **Kyle**_ : He's gonna confiscate my phone if he sees me like this

 _ **Stan**_ : Got it, stop typing. I'll see u at my house later today bye

 

_**[ Kyle Broflovski has gone offline ]** _

_**[ Stanley Marsh has gone offline ]** _

 

*            *            *            *            *

 

_**[ Craig Tucker has joined stfu i know ]** _

 

 _ **Butters**_ : Hi there Craig

 _ **Cartman**_ : Goddammit 

 _ **Clyde**_ : Ayyyyyyyyyyy Craig!!

 _ **Token**_ : How was three hours with Mr. Mackey?

 _ **Craig**_ : it was whatever

 _ **Craig**_ : oh, tweek's not online yet

 ** _Cartman_** : Neither is gaylord 1 and gaylord 2 

 _ **Cartman**_ : They're probably gone doing gay stuff LOL

 _ **Kenny**_ : yeah and so what if they are?

 _ **Kenny**_ : are you jelly that u don't have a bromance too?

 _ **Clyde**_ : Hah! Kenny's right. 

 _ **Clyde**_ : Stan and Kyle are bros, Kenny and Butters are more than bros, Tweek and Craig too

 _ **Craig**_ : what

 _ **Clyde**_ : Token you with me right

 _ **Token**_ : I don't know what we're talking about.

 _ **Clyde**_ : ..... )':

 ** _Cartman_** : Shut the fuck guys, seriously.

 _ **Butters**_ : Gee Craig, you and Tweek aren't going out?

 _ **Craig**_ : tf no, we're not

 ** _Cartman_** : Remember that time in 4th Grade. You two are the gayest ones here

 _ **Kenny**_ : i agree with cartman

 _ **Cartman**_ : Shut up Kenny

 ** _Kenny_** : wtf

 _ **Craig**_ : 

 ** _Token_** : Craig do you even notice the way Tweek looks at you?

 _ **Craig**_ : 

 _ **Kenny**_ : craig

 _ **Clyde**_ : People still think you two are going out

 _ **Clyde**_ : How about  _actually_ dating? :)

 _ **Craig**_ : _i'm done with both of you._

 _ **Kenny**_ : wait craig please don't do it it'll be my second time being kicked in a day!!!!!

 

_**[ Craig Tucker has kicked Clyde Donovan from stfu i know ]** _

_**[ Craig Tucker has kicked Kenneth McCormick from stfu i know ]** _

 

 _ **Cartman**_ : It's too fucking gay in here I'm leaving, bye you shitstains

 

_**[ Eric Cartman has gone offline ]** _

  

 _ **Token**_ : Oh wow....

 _ **Craig**_ : i'm kicking you too

 _ **Token**_ : Why's that?

 _ **Craig**_ : because

 

_**[ Craig Tucker has kicked Token Black from stfu i know ]** _

 

 _ **Craig**_ : a lot more peaceful now isn't it

 _ **Butters**_ : Uh I'm still here...?

 _ **Craig**_ : idc ur one of the least annoying ones

 _ **Craig**_ : also can you get kenny to stop calling you 'buttercup' all the time

 _ **Craig**_ : it's driving me insane

 _ **Butters**_ : Golly Craig

 _ **Butters**_ : Don't you call Tweek by any cutesy nicknames?

 _ **Craig**_ : what?

 _ **Butters**_ : Hmm.... how about...

 _ **Butters**_ : Hamburgers! I can't think of anything

 ** _Craig_** : what cutesy nicknames

 _ **Craig**_ : like um coffee bean?

 _ **Craig**_ : some shit like that?

 _ **Butters**_ : Gee Craig how'd you think of that!? 

 _ **Butters**_ : That's real sweet

 _ **Craig**_ : but we're not a couple

 ** _Butters_** : Don't lie Craig! 

 _ **Craig**_ : not lying

 _ **Butters**_ : Everyone knows you're... well, let's say

 _ **Butters**_ : Quite a cold stoned person

 _ **Butters**_ : But for Tweek, you have a softer persona

 _ **Craig**_ : not true

 _ **Butters**_ : By golly it _is_ true.

 _ **Craig**_ : he just

 _ **Craig**_ : i dunno... i'm able to feel something

 _ **Craig**_ : a feeling not so shitty like my other feelings

 _ **Craig**_ : i don't really like coffee that much

 _ **Craig**_ : but for tweek, i'd drink every drop

 _ **Butters**_ : See, you just confessed.

 ** _Craig_** : i just confessed didn't i

 _ **Craig**_ : .....

 _ **Craig**_ : fuck you butters

 _ **Butters**_ : I can't believe I made you say that wow!

 _ **Craig**_ : srsly fuck off

 _ **Butters**_ : Operation

 _ **Butters**_ : um

 _ **Butters**_ : Style are Homos™ and Creek is a success!

 _ **Craig**_ : tf?

 _ **Butters**_ : Ship names, Craig, Kenny told me they were ship names.

 _ **Craig**_ : i hate my life

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you TONS for your support and for continuing to read this mess.


	4. Everybody loves Kenny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this Chapter, Kenny is shown some love and appreciation (not). 
> 
> Tweek and Craig are now official whilst Stan and Kyle are conflicted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good news - I've dragged a friend into south park hell (more specifically Creek but other gay ships too).

__

_**[ Kenneth McCormick has joined Craig is a dumbfuck ]** _

 

 _ **Butters**_ : Oh hi there Ken!

 ** _Stan_** : Hey

 _ ** _ **Cartman**_  **_: Ugh you're online too kenneh

 _ **Kenny**_  : oo excited to see me buttercup ? ;)

 _ **Kenny**_ : wait so craig's just gonna let the group title slide?

 _ **Token**_ : He's not online right now

 _ **Stan**_  : He knocked me down for no absolute fucking reason during Phys Ed today

 _ **Kenny**_ : wha? craig doing something other than sit outside mr.mackey's office?

 _ **Kenny**_ : and that something being  ** _SPORTS!?!?!_**

 _ **Token**_ : Shocking isn't it

 _ **Stan**_ : He's no use at all to the team 

 _ **Clyde**_ : I can't say Stan's lying there...

 _ **Clyde**_ : Craig doesn't give a single fuck about whatever the Coach says.

 _ **Token**_ : I'm betting all my money he joined just to impress Tweek

 _ **Clyde**_ : That's a lot of money you're betting there pal

 _ **Token**_ : Shut it

 _ **Kenny**_ : lol

 _ **Clyde**_ : He apparently has some business with Tweek too

 _ **Clyde**_ : I can guess what that is too heheeheh 

 _ **Kenny**_ : ah, well done buttercup

 ** _C_ _lyde_** : Huh?

 _ **Butters**_ : Thanks Kenny :D

 _ **Butters**_ : Well ya see fellas, 

 _ **Butters**_ : Kenny and I were on a mission getting Tweek and Craig together finally

 _ **Kenny**_ : stan and kyle too (well theyre working on it)...

 _ **Stan**_ : Shit I forgot Kyle's coming over again

 _ **Kenny**_ : it worked fantastically heh

 _ **Kenny**_ : now he's all clingy

 _ **Carteman**_ : Anyways, I have an idea of the gay shit the spaz and craig fucker are doing rn

 ** _Token_** : I think we all do

 _ **Kenny**_ : hey guys...excluding cartman....

 _ **Cartman**_ : Oh fuck you

 _ **Kenny**_ : wanna do it with me too? ;) i'm hornier than a dog right nowww 

 ** _Butters_** : Ken!

 _ **Cartman**_ : Never mind them I'm glad you excluded me dipshit

 

_**[** **Token Black has kicked Kenneth McCormick from Craig is a dumbfuck ]** _

 

 _ **Clyde**_ : LOL TOKEN

 _ **Token**_ : I did  _not_ want to know that

 _ **Stan**_ : I'm feeling deja vu..

 _ **Clyde**_ : Huh

 

_**[ Leopold Stotch has invited Kenneth McCormick to Craig is a dumbfuck ]** _

 

 _ **Kenny**_ : thanks buttercup

 _ **Butters**_ : No problem Kenny :D

 _ **Kenny**_ : okay i think it's safe to say i've been kicked the most here

 _ **Cartman**_ : Yeah I wish I could do it in real life too

 _ **Clyde**_ : OOOH BURNNNNN!!

 _ **Cartman**_ : I have to fucking settle for less until tomorrow

 ** _Kenny_** : please no

 

_**[ Eric Cartman has kicked Kenneth McCormick from Craig is a dumbfuck ]** _

 

_**[ Leopold Stotch has invited Kenneth McCormick to Craig is a dumbfuck ]** _

 

 _ **Cartman**_ : Goddammit Butters you asshole

 _ **Butters**_ : We have to be equal and fair!

 _ **Cartman**_ : Actually you know what

 _ **Clyde**_ : That means more chances to kick Kenny! :DDD

 _ **Token**_ : Oh God

 _ **Kenny**_ : thanks for adding me back buttercup _again_

 _ **Kenny**_ : wait hold on clyde let me talk first

 

_**[ Clyde Donovan has kicked Kenneth McCormick from Craig is a dumbfuck ]** _

 

 _ **Cartman**_ : DAMN IT CLYDE

 _ **Cartman**_ : I WANTED TO DO IT

 

_**[ Clyde Donovan has invited Kenneth McCormick to Craig is a dumbfuck ]** _

 

 _ **Kenny**_ : why the fuck did you do that m8

 _ **Stan**_ : I have to go

 _ **Stan**_ : Ky's here

 _ **Token**_ : Bye

 _ **Kenny**_ : enjoyyy if you know what i mean ;'''')

 _ **Stan**_ : Thanks there's just one last thing I need to do 

 _ **Token**_ : And what is that exactly?

 

_**[ Stanley Marsh has kicked Kenneth McCormick from Craig is a dumbfuck ]** _

 

 _ **Stan**_ : Bye.

 

_**[ Stanley Marsh has gone offline ]** _

 

 _ **Token**_ : I should've known

 _ **Clyde**_ : HAAHAH 

 _ **Butters**_ : Oh hamburgers this is a little mean

 _ **Cartman**_ : Butters you're the only one who hasn't kicked him out yet

 _ **Cartman**_ : If you're truly a cocksucker and you love kennehs balls too

 _ **Cartman**_ : Then go on... do it...

 _ **Butters**_ : But

 _ **Clyde**_ : I don't know about his ass

 _ **Clyde**_ : I guess you can count that too

 _ **Token**_ : He said 'but' not 'butt' smartass

 _ **Cartman**_ : Guys shut the fuck up I'm trying to sound holy here

 _ **Token**_ : Anything you do is  _not_ holy.

 _ **Cartman**_ : Go back to the basement and play the fucking bass Token

 _ **Token**_ : ....

 

_**[ Leopold Stotch has added Kenneth McCormick to Craig is a dumbfuck ]** _

 

 _ **Kenny**_ : thank you  _ **again**_  

 _ **Butters**_ : I'm sorry Ken but...

 _ **Butters**_ : Just know that this is to prove something good

 _ **Token**_ : He's actually doing it..

 _ **Kenny**_ : doing what? doing meee ;) ?

 

_**[ Leopold Stotch has kicked Kenneth McCormick from Craig is a dumbfuck ]** _

 

 _ **Token**_ : This is getting out of hand, stop it now

 _ **Cartman**_ : You're the one who first started it dumbass

 _ **Clyde**_ : The irony!

 _ **Clyde**_ : For once I agree with the fatass

 _ **Cartman**_ : Don't make me put the kicking curse on you too now

 _ **Clyde**_ : Whatever dude

 _ **Clyde**_ : I just wanna know the juicy details when Stan or Craig comes back

 _ **Butters**_ : Shouldn't it be their personal business?

 _ **Clyde**_ : Whaaaaaatever!

 

 ***  *  *  *  ***  

 

Kyle took a seat on the couch, subconsciously fidgeting with the controller. Meanwhile, Stan had caught on fast, aware of the oblivious nervous vibes his super best friend was giving off. Ah yes, Stan and Kyle - the most straight super best  _friends_ in South Park. 

It made Stan feel... honoured? No... and definitely not shocked. He had picked up the signs way long ago. But only recently, thanks to a certain king of sex (but a reliable, loveable match-maker of course) he has taken in the fact that yes - indeed, he had undeniable feelings for him.

Damn it all to hell, this was so cliché. Having feelings for your best friend whilst also having dated another girl each few months, even weeks, breaking up and getting back together again. Stan couldn't imagine how painful it must've been inside for Kyle. He was so stupid. So very fucking stupid. "Kyle, put down the controller, I know you're shaking right now." Kyle continued to grasp onto it.

"What is it Stan?" He could hear Kyle's voice go raspy half-way through his question.

"Kenny... Kenny told you didn't he, Stan?" His voice was trembling.

He took the controller from him, placing it down on the table gently. "I didn't need Kenny to let me know. You're so obvious, idiot!"

Kyle cracked, jade green eyes locked onto Stan's, a mix of fury and fret written all over his reddening face. "You're the idiotic one here..." He snarled, shoulders tense as he let his locked up feelings flow and narrate themselves through his words. "In fact, you're the definition of idiocy Stan! ' _Oh Kyle.. it's horrible.. Wendy dumped me!_ ' this and ' _Wendy accepted my apology, thanks for helping out dude, we're dating again_ ' that! I'm  _sick_ of it Stan, abso- _fucking_ -lutely sick of it." Stan expected this to happen but he couldn't believe how pissed Kyle was right now.

"I get it Kyle-"

"No you fucking don't! If you understood how isolated I felt keeping my meaningless feelings for Stanley mother-fucking Marsh - my super best friend for who knows how goddamn long now -  then you wouldn't be-"

Stan suddenly leaned in, their faces only centimetres apart, "I understand. Kyle mother-fucking Broflovski, I understand." 

Kyle looked down, trying to look anywhere but Stan's mezmerising eyes. God how he hated those eyes, how they made his own vision twirl out of reality. Stan was taunting him with those dreamy deep ocean orbs of his, he was sure of it. His face now dusting the softest shade of pink Stan had ever seen on his face instead of raging red. 

"You- you're able to realise when you're in love. It may be painful but at least you can do it. I, however, have been in conflict for years. Wendy never excited me anymore. She just wasn't the right one. I'm so blind... Wendy isn't... you." There. There, he said it. He admitted it. Kyle was-

Kissing him. He was a terrible kisser but it felt right. Stan felt happy. Stan felt over-joyed, too much to put it into words as he felt the press of his super best _boy_ friend's lips against his own.

Suddenly, he was pushed back by the ginger-curled boy, who was a blushing mess.

"Th-That was so cringe! Jeez Stan, when did you get so cheesy!?"

"Well-... well you're a bad kisser!" Stan huffed, folding his arms. "I'm not lying too, just so you know!"

"Really Stan?  _Really_ _?_ Hmph, you dick! Lying to me like that..." Kyle giggled. Not, in fact he laughed. He hadn't laughed this hard in a while. 

Stan laughed as well, not as hard as Kyle but still laughed. "We're so cringe, this entire thing is cringe."

 **"** Love is cringe Stan, but if cringe is what I have to be to love you then so be it." 

"Wow Kyle that's one of the most cringe things you've ever said to me."

"Just shut up and kiss me again already."

 

 ***  *  *  *  ***  

 

_**[ Stanley Marsh has joined please don't kick me out -kenny ]** _

 

 _ **Kenny**_ : hey stan, how'd it go?

 _ **Stan**_ : I hate to say it because everyone already speculated us

 ** _Stan_** : Not to mention annoy the fuck out of me to do it

 _ **Stan**_ : Butyeahwekindahookedupinsteadofplayinggames

 ** _Kenny_** : knew it would turn out well ( ' u ' )b

 _ **Stan**_ : Anyway how did you get in the chat again...?

 _ **Craig**_ : idk probably his 'buttercup'

 _ **Kenny**_ : oh shut up it's a cute nickname for a cutie, besides,

 _ **Kenny**_ : shouldn't u be with ur... 

 ** _Kenny_** :  _coffee bean_

 _ **Craig**_ : 1 more time mccormick, ur gonna be kicked for good

 ** _Kenny_** : oh come on craig fucker

 _ **Craig**_ : that's it

 _ **Kenny**_ : pleeeeassseee doooonn'ttttt

 

_**[ Stanley Marsh has kicked Kenneth McCormick out of please don't kick me out - kenny ]** _

 

_**[ Stanley Marsh has changed please don't kick me out - kenny to Kenny is banned ]** _

 

 _ **Craig**_ : not bad marsh

 _ **Craig**_ : not bad.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tysm for reading. The entire Kenny getting kicked from the group chat was to be a reference to Kenny's deaths if you didn't understand, sorry.


	5. The 'F' word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thinking of a gift for Token didn't turn out well even though they had the so-called glorious intelligence of the Star wars fanatic. Being taught by Mr. Garrison wasn't exactly as awful as they expected it to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (PLEASE READ)
> 
> Warning: the word 'retard' is considered a slur in this chapter. Also mentions of homophobia (as tagged). Well if there's Cartman of course there are slurs used but I just wanted to give a note in advance.
> 
> Plus, there isn't really any plot here at the moment. style & creek are nice and happy so I'll just have fun making this into a crack fic now that they've come out the closet. also the chapter is really sloppy, forgive me for being very tired but motivated to write.

 

_**[ Clyde Donovan has joined Kenny is banned ]** _

 

 _ **Token**_ : Clyde's online at last?

 

_**[ Clyde Donovan has kicked Token Black out of Kenny is banned ]** _

 

 _ **Kyle**_ : Wh..

 _ **Clyde**_ : Alright guys, so

 ** _Craig_** : wtf

 ** _Tweek_** : WHAT HAPPENED?

 _ **Clyde**_ : Oh Tweek, you're actually online

 _ **Tweek**_ : !?!??!?

 ** _Craig_** : why did u kick token out

 _ **Clyde**_ : You all already know why I did pshh

 _ **Craig**_ : dude

 _ **Clyde**_ : Oh come on don't act so dumb

 _ **Craig**_ : u sure u aren't talking about yourself?

 _ **Clyde**_ : Ouch... :(

 _ **Tweek**_ : JUST TELL US WHAT HAPPENED

 _ **Tweek**_ : OH JESUS CHRIST MAN IT'S SOMETHING HORRIBLE ISN'T IT

 _ **Tweek**_ : JUST LEAVE OUT THE GORY DETAILS 

 _ **Craig**_ : shhhhhh relax

 _ **Tweek**_ : I CNT TPYE

 _ **Tweek**_ : FINGERS SHAKGN TO MUHC

 _ **Kyle**_ : Dude. Chill.

 _ **Cartman**_ : Calm the FUCK down Tweek

 _ **Cartman**_ : What the hell did his parents do to him 

 _ **Craig**_ : fatass mind your own fucking business

 _ **Cartman**_ : And what are you gonna do about it Craig huh?

 _ **Clyde**_ : Guys

 _ **Clyde**_ : It's Token's birthday tomorrow

 _ **Tweek**_ : OH

 _ **Clyde**_ : Yeah  _OH_

 ** _Clyde_** : I can't think of any gift ideas

 _ **Cartman**_ : The fuck do you mean by gift ideas

 _ **Craig**_ : the rich bastard probably has better stuff than all of us combined

 _ **Kyle**_ : Whatever Clyde, you're his best friend

 _ **Kyle**_ : Which means you should know what he likes best

 _ **Clyde**_ : Uhhhhhh...

 _ **Craig**_ : fuck sake you don't know do u

 ** _Clyde_** : Well..

 _ **Clyde**_ : Ok - new idea

 ** _Kyle_** : What?

 ** _Craig_** : terrible idea, no.

 _ **Clyde**_ : Awww but I haven't even said it yet!

 _ **Cartman**_ : It's gonna be a fucking horrible idea like all your other ideas Clyde

 _ **Kyle**_ : Hypocrite

 _ **Cartman**_ : What was that? Say it again you fuckin jew

 ** _Kyle_** : IT'S ON A SCREEN FATASS YOU CAN JUST READ IT AGAIN

 

_**[ Clyde Donovan has invited Kevin Stoley to Kenny is banned ]** _

 

 _ **Cartman**_ : What the fuck

 _ **Kyle**_ : Kevin?

 _ **Cartman**_ : That one annoying shit bag with a discount version of Stan's hair?

 _ **Clyde**_ : Well

 _ **Craig**_ : yes

 _ **Kyle**_ : Oh right, he brought a light-saber instead of a sword that one time

 _ **Cartman**_ : Damn it Clyde why is he here

 _ **Kevin**_ : I see, I've been brought to vaporise and charge forth into the galactic realm

 ** _Kevin_** : I shall jump through evil caverns like Evel Knievel, pulverising with my photon torpedo

 _ **Cartman**_ : Every fucking time Kevin

 _ **Cartman**_ : We can't have a normal fucking conversation with you God damn it Kevin

 _ **Tweek**_ : VAPORISE?

 _ **Craig**_ : how is this guy gonna help us

 _ **Clyde**_ : The more the merrier Craig!

 _ **Cartman**_ : Oh really, he's gonna help us by fucking educating us all about fucking Star wars 

 _ **Kevin**_ : Hey star wars is great

 _ **Clyde**_ : Sure is dude!

 _ **Kyle**_ : This is not helping at all

 _ **Tweek**_ : I'M JUST GONNA GIVE HIM FREE COFFEE COUPONS 

 ** _Kyle_** : I honestly don't think that's a good enough gift Tweek

 _ **Craig**_ : shut up it's better than whatever the fuck the rest of us have in mind

 _ **Craig**_ : aka nothing at all

 _ **Clyde**_ : OK KEVIN

 _ **Clyde**_ : GIVE US AN IDEA

 _ **Kevin**_ : I have three extra copies of Star Wars Republic Commando

 _ **Clyde**_ : Great!

 _ **Craig**_ : yeah i got another idea

 _ **Craig**_ : how about we fucking don't

 _ **Cartman**_ : He already has better games than all of us

 ** _Cartman_** : Son of a bitch

 _ **Craig**_ : let's just ask him what he wants

 _ **Kyle**_ : Yeah I gave him Super Smash Bros for his birthday but he already had a copy

 _ **Clyde**_ : Nononononono it's supposed to be a surprise

 _ **Cartman**_ : Really Clyde. Really

 

**_[ Craig Tucker has added Token Black to Kenny is banned ]_ **

 

 ** _Craig_ ** : what do u want for ur birthday

 _ **Clyde**_ : Craaaaaiiiiigg

 _ **Token**_ : Nothing you guys can give

 _ **Token**_ : I'm alright without gifts, really.

 _ **Craig**_ : well then that settles it

 _ **Token**_ : You guys were planning a gift for me?

 _ **Token**_ : Wow that's really thoughtful 

 _ **Craig**_ : yeah not that we actually thought of anything decent

 _ **Kevin**_ : I wasn't going to give any of my copies of Star Wars Republic Commando anyway

 _ **Cartman**_ : God damn it Kevin

 _ **Cartman**_ : Just shut the hell up okay

 _ **Clyde**_ : Why don't _you_ shut up fatass

 _ **Kyle**_ : Why's Kevin even here still now that we're done with the gift thing

 ** _Craig_** : idk

 _ **Craig**_ : i dont wanna be here either

 _ **Token**_ : I don't think most of us do

 _ **Cartman**_ : Hah the only reason you're here is because Tweek is

 _ **Craig**_ : not. true. kind of. partly. 

 _ **Craig**_ : i'm here against my will

 _ **Kevin**_ : Just like when Rey was captured by Kylo in the 7th Star Wars movie

 _ **Cartman**_ : God fucking damn it Kevin

 _ **Cartman**_ : Somebody kick him out, my admin was removed

 _ **Clyde**_ : Naaaahh he can stay

 _ **Kevin**_ : Thanks

 _ **Clyde**_ : But seriously enough dude with the Star Wars

 _ **Craig**_ : christ kevin u actually need help with ur obsession and chill

 _ **Kyle**_ : I give up

 

_**[ Kyle Broflovski has gone offline ]** _

 

 _ **Cartman**_ : Gone to have gay sex with Stan huh!?

 _ **Token**_ : You really need to stop the homophobia man

 _ **Cartman**_ : And what you gonna do about it fucktard?

 

_**[ Token Black has kicked Eric Cartman from Kenny is banned ]** _

 

 _ **Token**_ : Kenny's still banned huh

 _ **Craig**_ : good thing too 

 

_**[ Kevin Stoley has invited Kenneth McCormick to Kenny is banned ]** _

 

 _ **Kenny**_ : heeeeyyy did u all miss me ;)

 _ **Craig**_ : what the fuck

 _ **Craig**_ : kevin

 _ **Kevin**_ : My fingers slipped just like all the spoilers about Rey apparently being Luke's daughter

 _ **Token**_ : Seriously Kevin?

 ** _Clyde_** : WHOA WHAT REALLY?

 _ **Kevin**_ : Keyword, 'apparently'

 _ **Kenny**_ : anyway...

 _ **Kenny**_ : who's ready for school tomorrowww

 ** _Kenny_** : mr. garrison is our teacher lol

 _ **Clyde**_ : WHAT

 _ **Token**_ : For real?

 _ **Craig**_ : didn't u guys have him as a teacher that one time

 _ **Craig**_ : where kenny cartman kyle and marsh were all sent to the office at once

 _ **Kenny**_ : mhm

 _ **Token**_ : Even though you weren't there you still witnessed them coming to the office of course 

 _ **Craig**_ : it wasn't  _my_ fault that my finger has a mind of its own in front of mr. mackey

 ** _Kevin_** : When most of the class had Terrance and Phillip shirts right

 _ **Clyde**_ : Oh yeeeaaah!

 _ **Craig**_ : and clyde being a 'retard'

 _ **Kenny**_ : we also got mr. mackey to say 'eat penguin shit'

 _ **Craig**_ : u guys are complete assholes, good job

 

*  *  *  *  *

 

Mr. Garrison let out a deep sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose with his free hand. "Yes, Clyde?"

"Twelve?" The class giggled, finally catching on to what was happening.

"Just like before, let's get an answer from someone who isn't a complete retard."

Kyle raised his hand, quickly glaring at Cartman then back at Mr. Garrsion.

"Ah, Kyle... you haven't changed a bit have you?"

"Nice to see you too Mr. Garrsion." Kyle replied first, a hint of sarcasm in his tone although he flashed a friendly smile. 

The rest of the class smirked. Meanwhile, "Pussy bitch!" Cartman called out in a nasty tone, obviously proceeding to piss Kyle off.

"Shut up fat boy, we are  _not_ doing this again!"

"Sure just stop calling me fat you fucking jew!" Cartman retaliated, just like back then.

Kyle couldn't help but smile whilst rolling his eyes, only semi-pissed now.

The entire class didn't gasp this time, it was a regular thing really. Token and Clyde snickered with Kevin and everyone else. Good ol' fourth grade days, memorable indeed, but hell did they feel old already. Fuck growing up.

"You just said the 'F' word, didn't you? Well that means-" Mr. Garrison was cut off.

"Jew?" Cartman acted dumb, cocking his head to the side.

"He's talking about fuck. You can't say fuck in school you fucking fatass." It was on.

"Kyle we don't need to do this again-"

"Why the fuck not?"

"Eric you too, let's stop and-"

Stan grinned, pointing and faking to be shocked. "Dude you just said fuck again!"

Mr. Garrison slammed a palm on his desk in an attempt to stop the madness.

However, it backfired as he proceeded to say the correct words according to the 'script', "Stanley.."

"Mph!" Kenny had specifically worn his unforgettable,  _legendary_ parka that defined 'Kenny' specifically for this lesson.

" _Kenny_! No jackets in class! And stop saying the 'F' word Christ's sake."

"Mr. Garrison, it doesn't hurt anybody - Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck." Cartman reached behind his chair to grab a specially prepared mega-phone.

"How would you like to see the school councillor?" At this point, Mr. Garrison was oblivious and uncaring to how on-point his speech was at the moment. After a few seconds of taking in his threat to his student, everything started coming back and he realised too late what was next.

"How would you like to suck my balls?" There it was. The famous punch-line.

"Say it again, Eric, I'll have you know that you'll be in  _huge_ trouble just like last time!" 

Kyle then stopped laughing, also remembering what would follow once they'd be taken to Mr. Mackey. The dangerous creature known as Mom.

"Dude! Cartman shut up! Don't say it!" He whisper-screeched, sweating nervously. There really was no point now. 

Cartman cleared his throat, ignoring Kyle completely.

" _How would you like to suck my balls, Mr. Garrison?_ "

Stan too just clocked, not reacting to Cartman's famous line but the consequence, "Holy shit dude."

 

*  *  *  *  *

 

 ** _Clyde_** : That's the best thing that happened in class this year!

 _ **Token**_ : What happened after-wards back at home?

 ** _Stan_** : My Mom and Dad ended up threatening each other with guns again

 _ **Kyle**_ : Meanwhile, my Mom restricted me from watching T.V or anything fun in the house for a month.

 ** _Cartman_** : Haha you guys, my Mom can't do shit on me 

 _ **Kyle**_ : Shut up you fucking fatass, don't think you're tough. Remember when I hit you?

 _ **Kyle**_ : You started crying endless tears

 _ **Cartman**_ : Oi they were just fake tears you bitch

  

_**[ Kenneth McCormick has changed Kenny is banned to sckk + cctt ]** _

__

**_Stan_** : What the hell do those stand for

 _ **Kenny**_ : today was a m a z i n g 

 ** _Kyle_** : Whatever, it wasn't for me

 ** _Cartman_** : Then try telling Mr. Garrison to suck your balls next time

 _ **Cartman**_ : It's especially satisfying through the mega-phone

 _ **Cartman**_ : Oh wait, you already have Stan to do that for you

 ** _Kyle_** : That's it

 ** _Kyle_** : Watch tomorrow after-school fat boy

 _ **Stan**_ : Calm down Ky, you being pissed is what he wants

 ** _Kyle_** : Fine

 ** _Clyde_** : Damn and I thought Tweek and Craig were couple goals

 ** _Kenny_** : couple goals? you call stan calming down a pissed kyle couple goals?

 _ **Clyde**_ : Well what do you have to say??

 _ **Kenny**_ : ... ok that's true but still

 _ **Kenny**_ : it may be cute but me protecting my precious buttercup is cuter

 ** _Stan_** : Are we seriously discussing this. Kenny just shut up alright?

 ** _Kenny_** : hmph, i take it back, craig calming down tweek is better

 ** _Cartman_** : For fuck sake I can't handle this anymore

 

**_[ Craig Tucker has joined _ **sckk + cctt**_  ]_ **

 

 ** _Clyde_** : Oh it's Craig! Why're you here?

 ** _Token_** : Didn't you say you had to do chores

 _ **Craig**_ : i sensed idiocy

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ilysm and thanks for reading this chapter. Yep it's pretty much pure crack now unless I can get some good suggestions to fit in.


	6. Gayland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clyde abuses his admin commands, in other words, give everyone else ridiculous names in the group chat, later on trying to claim his heterosexuality.

 

**_[ Craig Tucker has joined Gayland ]_ **

 

 ** _Craig_** : who changed the group title

 ** _King Clyde_** : Oh hi Craig, finally you're here

 _ **MY HOMIE TOKN**_ : Hey

 _ **Craig**_ : wtf happened to ur names

 ** _MY HOMIE TOKN_** : Clyde happened.

 _ **Kurly Kyle**_ : Please change my name, it's terrible.

 

_**[ Clyde Donovan has changed Kurly Kyle to Tsundere Bitch ]** _

 

 _ **Tsundere Bitch**_ : What the actual fuck is a Tsundere

 ** _King Clyde_** : You

 ** _King Clyde_** : I learnt what it meant from the japanese girls :)

 ** _Craig_** : whoa clyde can talk to girls

 ** _King Clyde_** : Shut up Craig

 _ **Stand**_ : Ok first of all, i don't have a D in my name

 ** _King Clyde_** : Sorry Stand, didn't know you couldn't appreciate a joke :(

 _ **Stand**_ : Change. It. Now.

 ** _Craig_** : ha

 _ **MY HOMIE TOKN**_ : You're lucky your name hasn't been changed yet.

 ** _MY HOMIE TOKN_** : or typo'd 

 

_**[ Clyde Donovan has changed Stand to Sit ]** _

_**[ Clyde Donovan has changed Craig to edgy robot ]** _

  

 ** _Sit_** : Oh ffs

 _ **edgy robot**_  : what did u just do

 _ **edgy robot**_  : clyde why is my name 'edgy robot'

 _ **Sit**_ : That's exactly what you are

 _ **edgy robot**_ : oh really now

 _ **edgy robot**_ : shut up sit

 _ **Sit**_ : IT'S S T A N 

 _ **Tsundere Bitch**_ : *S T A N D 

 ** _Sit_** : Not you too Kyle!

 ** _Tsundere Bitch_** : That's for yesterday! You ditched me

 _ **Sit**_ : You know very well that Cartman tricked me yesterday

 _ **FATASS**_ : Excuse me Stan I've no idea what you mean

 _ **FATASS**_ : ..The fuck

 _ **FATASS**_ : Fuck off Clyde I'm not a fucking fatass

 _ **edgy robot**_ : wait a sec

 _ **edgy robot**_ : for fuck sake clyde u made urself the only admin didn't u

 ** _King Clyde_** : That is correct, my royal subject edgy robot

__

_**[ Kenneth McCormick has joined Gayland ]** _

 

 _ **Kenny**_ : pretty accurate name there

 _ **Kenny**_ : oh? what happened to ur names

 _ **King Clyde**_ : Kenny

 _ **Kenny**_ : huh?

 

_**[ King Clyde has changed Kenny to Princess Kenny ]** _

 

 _ **edgy robot**_ : should've been changed to horny dickwad

 _ **Princess Kenny**_ : who wants to be my prince ;)

 _ **edgy robot**_ : ew

 ** _King Clyde_** : Shut up I needed a princess in the kingdom

 ** _King Clyde_** : or it wouldn't be a kingdom

 _ **MY HOMIE TOKN**_ : Then who's the Queen?

 

_**[ King Clyde has changed MY HOMIE TOKN to Queen Token ]** _

__

_**Queen Token**_ : God damn it

 ** _FATASS_** : Lol you two gonna make out now or what

 ** _Princess Kenny_** : i ship it

 ** _FATASS_** : Where to? Gayland of course, LOL

 _ **Princess Kenny**_ : no as in, i pair them together heh

 ** _Tsundere Bitch_** : I thought it was Clyde and Kevin. Jock and Nerd.

 _ **Sit**_ : You're a nerd too Kyle

 ** _Tsundere Bitch_** : And you're the stereotypical Jock hah

 _ **Tsundere Bitch**_ : Wait

 ** _Princess Kenny_** : don't worry guys, the ship for u 2 sailed long time ago

 

**_[ Leopold Stotch has joined Gayland ]_ **

 

 ** _Prince Kenny_** : aaaaaaaaa

 ** _Butters_** : Oo

 _ **Butters**_ : Could I be the prince?

 

**_[ Clyde Donovan has changed Butters to Prince Butters ]_ **

 

 ** _Prince Butters_** : Golly Kenny! I'm your prince!

 ** _Princess Kenny_** : mhm

 ** _Queen Token_** : Well I'm just glad everyone's realised their love for each other

 _ **Princess Kenny**_ : yeah thanks to me and buttercup

 ** _Princess Kenny_** : but of course, each of you had to confess all on your own

 ** _FATASS_** : Me too, only because I don't have to see everyone denying how disgustingly gay they are

 ** _Prince Butters_** : We all love each other platonically too! 

 _ **Queen Token**_ : Yeah, platonically I guess.

 ** _King Clyde_** : AWWWWWWWW ILY GUYS

 _ **Princess Kenny**_ : same here @ you all

 ** _Tsundere Bitch_** : I guess you guys  _are_ still my friends, so, same idk

 ** _Sit_** : Some more than others but me too

 ** _King Clyde_** : Fatass?

 ** _Tsundere Bitch_** : we don't need his opinion

 ** _King Clyde_** : Craig?

 ** _edgy robot_** : i hate all of you

 

*  *  *  *  *

 

"The Awesome Foursome has arrived!" Clyde announced ever so 'grandly' whilst dramatically addressing _everybody_ in the Cafeteria evidently due to the volume of his tone. The 'popular girls' burst out laughing after a few moments of silence. 

"Fucking dumbass..." Craig mumbled in his usual robotic voice, seemingly annoyed with his words but nobody could really tell from his expression and voice. Token dragged Clyde away from the entrance, Tweek and Craig _hesitantly_ following at this point. "Clyde, we are  _not_ calling ourselves 'The Awesome Foursome', how many times do we have to tell you what a foursome is?" Token whispered as he glanced over to see Cartman pointing at their table with his chubby finger in a mocking manner. 

With a pout, "As if you can think of a better name that rhymes!"

"Clyde: Stupidity the guide." Craig suggested.

"I said better!"

"I want to suffocate Clyde with intoxicated carbon dioxide." He suggested once again to his dismay.

"Now that's just mean." He shrugged as they took their seats, with Token and Clyde sitting parallel to Tweek and Craig on the other side of the table. "C-Clyde...?" Tweek stuttered out, clearing his throat in the process. "What do you want Tweek?"

"If the er, group title is 'Gayland' and you're the King..." His voice trailed off at the sudden suggestion, making them all pause for a second in thought. "That mean's you're the gayest of us all dude." Craig lifted his finger slightly, pointing at a sweating Clyde. "No way man..." 

"Who for? Token? Kevin?" Craig questioned, the slightest hint of a grin on his plain emotion-ridden face.

Token lifted his palms in front of him in denial, "No. Please _don't_ bring me into this. If anyone it should be Kevin-"

"Kevin what?" Said boy was sitting on the table right behind them, turning his head to look behind his shoulder as his name left Token's mouth. "Kevin's er, a... really great guy." Token replied, coughing. It seemed to do the trick as he turned his head back around, he could tell Kevin wasn't convinced a single bit. Meanwhile Clyde just rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah, sure, I definitely want a dick up my ass!"

"Whoa Clyde, good job coming out!" 

"Shut up fatass!" 

"This is getting really old-"

"W-W-Wh-What's going on guys."

"Stay out of this Jimmy or I'll snap the rest of your limbs."

As chaos reigned, Clyde proceeded to question his sexuality.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nope, I've no idea what I'm writing. Thank you all so much for reading. (Thanks for 420 hits). If you were somehow confused:
> 
> Clyde : King Clyde  
> Token : Queen Token  
> Craig : edgy robot  
> Cartman : FATASS  
> Kyle : Tsundere Bitch  
> Stan : Sit  
> Kenny : Princess Kenny  
> Butters : Prince Butters


	7. Music tastes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Token manages to successfully steal Clyde's phone, therefore having the chance to give everyone (mostly everyone) the rank of admin. He takes this chance without hesitation. This leads to pure chaos.

 

**_[ Clyde Donovan has joined Gayland ]_ **

 

 ** _edgy robot_** : the retard is here

 ** _King Clyde_** : Guys it's me Token

 ** _Sit_** : You took his phone

 ** _King Clyde_** : Yeah, I can give you all the admin commands

 _ **King Clyde**_ : We can change our names

 ** _Kid that jacks off to Star wars_** : Sweet

 ** _Prince Butters_** : Golly Kevin

 ** _Princess Kenny_** : oh my lord did he actually set that as your name

 ** _Kid that jacks off to Star wars_** : Yes

 _ **edgy robot**_ : it's not wrong tho is it 

 _ **King Clyde**_ : Ok I confirmed all of us as admins

 ** _FATASS_** : Liar

 ** _King Clyde_** : Most of us

 ** _King Clyde_** : I'm gonna put his phone back now brb

 

**_[ Clyde Donovan has gone offline ]_ **

 

**_[ Token Black has joined Gayland ]_ **

 

**_[ Token Black has changed Queen Token to Token ]_ **

 

**_[ Kyle Broflovski has changed FATASS to MEGA FATASS ]_ **

 

 ** _MEGA FATASS_** : Really Kyle. Really. Fuck you Kyle.

 ** _Tsundere Bitch_** : Mhm

 _ **edgy robot**_ : ha

 

_**[ Kenneth McCormick has changed edgy robot to Craig Fucker ]** _

 

 _ **Prince Butters**_ : Oh! F instead of T in Tucker! 

 ** _Sit_** : It took you that long to figure out?

 

**_[ Kenneth McCormick has changed Sit to small dick stan ]_ **

****

**_small dick stan_** : Dude

 ** _Craig Fucker_** : i hate this

 ** _Token_** : I'm starting to regret this

 ** _MEGA FATASS_** : Yeah you should Token, fucking dumbass

 

_**[ Token Black has changed MEGA FATASS to MEGA ULTRA FATASS ]** _

 

 _ **Token**_ : Nevermind lol

 ** _MEGA ULTRA FATASS_** : Real fucking hilarious

 

_**[ Craig Tucker has changed Princess Kenny to horny dickwad ]** _

 

 _ **Craig Fucker**_ : try me, bitch

 ** _horny dickwad_** : oooo

 ** _small dick stan_** : Ok can we just stop this

 ** _Eyebrow Tweezers_** : WHAT IS HAPPENING

 _ **Eyebrow Tweezers**_ : I RIPPED OUT MY HAIR 

 _ **Eyebrow Tweezers**_ : THE NOTIFICATION SOUND MADE ME JOLT

 ** _Craig Fucker_** : he did  _not_ just give you that name

 

_**[ Craig Tucker has changed Eyebrow Tweezers to Tweek :D ]** _

 

 _ **Craig Fucker**_ : shhh tweek, just look at the happy face

 _ **Craig Fucker**_ : it's smiling at u 

 _ **Tweek :D**_ : THAT IS QUITE NICE BUT

 _ **Tweek**_   _ **:D**_ : It's kind of creepy

 _ **MEGA ULTRA FATASS**_ : God damn it just got gay in here fast

 _ **Craig Fucker**_ : stfu mega ultra fatass

 _ **Token**_ : Guys I agree with Stan let's just use our original names

 

_**[ Stanley Marsh has changed Tsundere Bitch to Ky ]** _

 

 _ **horny dickwad**_ : what was that about agreeing with stan to use our original names

 ** _Token_** : Stan..

 ** _small dick stan_** : I like the nickname okay

 _ **Ky**_ : Whatever as long as I'm not a 'bitch' anymore

 ** _Prince Butters_** : Um Kenny are you just gonna keep your name as that?

 _ **Craig Fucker**_ : who's kenny?

 _ **Craig Fucker**_ : idk a kenny here, i only know horny dickwad

 ** _Craig Fucker_** : what about u tweek :D

 _ **Token**_ : Craig are you actually using the set names

 ** _small dick stan_** : It seems like he unfortunately is

 _ **Craig Fucker**_ : what do u mean by 'unfortunately', small dick stan?

 ** _small dick stan_** : Funny you'd ask, Craig Fucker.

 _ **Token**_ : You guys are so fucking unfunny

 _ **Ky**_ : Stan calm down

 ** _small dick stan_** : Ironic, It's usually me telling  _you_ to calm down

 ** _Ky_** : Piss off

 _ **small dick stan**_ : Calm down Ky

 ** _Ky_** : Ugh

 

_**[ Clyde Donovan has joined Gayland ]** _

 

 ** _King Clyde_** : Awwww I knew Token would do this :(

 ** _Token_** : It's called being fair

 _ **MEGA ULTRA FATASS**_ : Token you son of a bitch how come I'm not admin too

 _ **Token**_ : I don't even need to answer that

 _ **King Clyde**_ : WELL GUESS WHAT TOKEN

 ** _Token_** : I don't want to guess

 

**_[ Clyde Donovan has changed Token to Bag of Douche™ ]_ **

 

 ** _King Clyde_** : AW YEAH

 _ **King Clyde**_ : I AM THE ONE DON'T WEIGH A TON DON'T NEED A GUN TO GET RESPECT UP ON THE STREET

 _ **Craig Fucker**_ : that is a terrible song please stop

 _ **King Clyde**_ : Oh really!? Then what's  _not_ a terrible song Craig

 _ **Craig Fucker**_ : anything that isn't your music taste

 ** _King Clyde_** : BUT CALL ME MAYBE IS A MASTERPIECE OF A SOGN

 _ **Tweek :D**_ : MY EARS WILL BLEED

 _ **Kid that jacks off to Star wars**_ : That song isn't half bad

 ** _King Clyde_** : AYYYYYY KEVIN

 _ **Ky**_ : Nopenopenopenope

 

**_[ Kyle Broflovski has gone offline ]_ **

**_[ Stanley Marsh has gone offline ]_ **

 

 ** _King Clyde_** : HEY I JUST MET YOU

 ** _Kid that jacks off to Star wars_** : And this is crazy

 ** _King Clyde_** : BUT HERE'S MY NUMBER

 ** _Kid that jacks off to Star wars_**  : So call me, maybe?

 _ **horny dickwad**_ : beautiful

 ** _Prince Butters_** : Wow.

 _ **Craig Fucker**_ : gorillaz  > everything

 _ **King Clyde**_ : Whatever Craig

 _ **King Clyde**_ : My music taste is much better

 _ **Tweek :D**_ : I DON'T LISTEN TO MUSIC

 _ **horny dickwad**_ : hmm you sure about that

 ** _Tweek :D_** : well actually there is this one song that calmed me down

 _ **Tweek :D**_ : Craig can play it using a metal ruler

 _ **horny dickwad**_ : nice instrument pal

 _ **Craig Fucker**_ : whatever

 ** _MEGA ULTRA FATASS_** : Wow what a talent there Craig

 _ **MEGA ULTRA FATASS**_ : Whatever makes Tweek in the mood for you to bone him right

 _ **Craig Fucker**_ : it's not about boning him idiot, read again

 _ **Craig Fucker**_ : he said to calm not seduce

 _ **MEGA ULTRA FATASS**_ : Calming him down by playing a metal ruler good fucking job

 _ **Tweek :D**_ : HEY CRAIG MAY NOT HAVE TALENT BUT I DON'T REALLY CARE

 _ **TWEEK :D**_ : AS LONG AS I'M CALM

 ** _MEGA ULTRA FATASS_** : It got too fucking gay in here

 ** _horny dickwad_** : then get a girlfriend

 ** _horny dickwad_** : if you can

 

_**[ Craig Tucker has kicked Eric Cartman from Gaylord ]** _

 

_**[ Craig Tucker has changed Craig Fucker to craig ]** _

 

 _ **craig**_ : he's banned

*  *  *  *  *

 

_**[ Clyde Donovan has joined Gayland ]** _

 

 _ **King Clyde**_ : GUYS

 _ **Ky**_ : What

 _ **horny dickwad**_ : did u finally get a gf or bf

 _ **King Clyde**_ : ... That hurt my feelings :'(

 _ **Token**_ : Don't start crying and just tell us

 _ **King Clyde**_ : OK OK SO

 _ **King Clyde**_ : I saw Tweek and Craig making out in the library

 _ **craig**_ : for fuck sake i already told you that we were studying

 _ **King Clyde**_ : How am I gonna believe that Craig studies huuuuh!?

 _ **craig**_ : listen, tweek is suspicious of that one dude in the bottom class

 _ **craig**_ : i just need to make sure he doesn't read his textbook upside down again

 _ **horny dickwad**_ : i'm enjoying this too much lol

 _ **horny dickwad**_ : but seriously invite me next time ok

 _ **craig**_ : not a chance, fuck off

 _ **horny dickwad**_ :'(

 _ **Ky**_ : Nice, two Clydes

 _ **horny dickwad**_ : :'''''''(((((((((((((((((((((

 _ **King Clyde**_ : :''''"""""""''(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

 _ **Ky**_ : Guys

 _ **horny dickwad**_ : :''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''((((((((((((((((((((((((

 _ **Token**_ : Please stop 

 ** _King Clyde_** : :''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

 _ **craig**_ : the amount of tears you've both shed 

 _ **craig**_ : will be the same amount of punches and kicks you'll get tomorrow 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm taking suggestions! Thank you for reading.


	8. Coffee is disgusting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig has always hated Coffee. He still does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested Creek scene! I apologise if it's trashy. (Thanks for 666 hits).

 

 _ **Craig**_ : coffee is disgusting

 ** _Clyde_** : Whaaaaaaaat!

 ** _Craig_** : stfu, i've never seen u drink coffee before

 _ **Clyde**_ : It's not that I like it, it's about _Tweek_! 

 ** _Craig_** : yeah what about him

 _ **Token**_ : I think what Clyde is trying to say

 _ **Token**_ : is that how can you hate something Tweek craves?

 _ **Craig**_ : just because we're dating

 ** _Craig_** : doesn't mean i have to like everything that he does

 ** _Butters_** : Well um

 ** _Butters_** : you could at least pretend to like it?

 _ **Kenny**_ : mhm, tweek might get anxious that you hate him

 _ **Kenny**_ : since he drinks coffee like 24/7

 ** _Kenny_** : it's not helping that you hate it

 ** _Clyde_** : Yeah yeah! Exactly!

 ** _Kevin_** : ...

 _ **Kenny**_ : ?

 _ **Kevin**_ :  _"you could at least pretend to like it"_

 _ **Kevin**_ :  _"might get anxious that you hate him"_

 _ **Token**_ : ... Star wars, Kevin?

 _ **Clyde**_ : IT'S OKAY KEVIN, WE DON'T HATE YOU

 _ **Craig**_ : objection your honour

 _ **Clyde**_ : CRAIG DON'T BE SUCH A DICK

 _ **Token**_ : Yeah you may talk about Star wars 24/7 but

 _ **Token**_ : We don't hate you

 _ **Token**_ : Well, let's pretend Craig didn't say anything

 ** _Kevin_** : Ok

 _ **Clyde**_ : Anyways, on the topic of Craig

 ** _Clyde_** : HOW CAN YOU JUST HATE COFFEE

 _ **Clyde**_ : _DO YOU NOT CARE ABOUT TWEEK'S FEELINGS_

 _ **Craig**_ : ALRIGHT ALRIGHT SHUT THE FUCK UP

 _ **Kenny**_ : whoa that's the first time craig talked in full _capslock_

 _ **Craig**_ : actually, i held down shift 

 ** _Butters_** : Hamburgers Clyde!!

 _ **Clyde**_ : Thank you, thank you

 _ **Kenny**_ : craig, take him on a date at his workplace

 ** _Craig_** : yeah that's a really nice fucking choice for a date mccormick

 ** _Craig_** : taking him on a date where he's been standing up for 6 hours working

 _ **Kenny**_ : hey craig, remember that time i saw you at the petting zoo

 _ **Clyde**_ : TELL ME MORE

 _ **Butters**_ : A petting zoo!!!!

 ** _Craig_** : i'm going on a date with him at his workplace

 _ **Token**_ : Wow

* * * * * * *

 

Craig let out a long sigh as he blankly stared at the screen of his phone. 

He had been waiting for Tweek's shift to end for an entire fucking hour. Where even was he? Maybe he should just text him- wait no, calling him would be a better idea. It would show that he isn't a lazy piece of shit and actually cared about him even more, right? Wait... he might think that he's being a try-hard. For fuck sake, relationships were difficult. 

He then noticed a shadow loom over the table. "Sir, may I take your order?" He looked up to see a waitress. Oh, it wasn't Tweek, just some random employee. God damn it, he said his shift would be over an hour ago. 

"Er, no thanks, I don't like c-"

A messy mop of blond hair came into view.

"Two regulars please."

The waitress nodded curtly, scribbling down his last-minute changed order, turning around and walking away to the desk afterwards. Craig watched as Tweek lifted off the apron he was wearing, reaching up to place it on a hook. He missed the first few times, shoulders tensing but relaxing once he finally hooked it on the peg.

Tweek looked around, upon seeing Craig he blinked a few times, somewhat confused before his mouth gaped open and his expression completely changed. He had forgotten that Craig was coming. "Sorry! Er-..." He made his way to Craig's table, quickly sitting down. "I..."

"It's alright," He tried to sound comforting but it came out in a dull tone. "I ordered coffee for us."

Tweek blinked, staring at him, lips parting again. "C-Coffee? For _us?_ " There was a short silence following his question. It wasn't too long before it was broken by a flustered Craig. "Yeah, for  _us_ , shut up and be grateful." This just made the other boy giggle. Craig kicked him underneath the table, causing him to wince instead of laugh.

"Ah- uh, thanks." He cleared his throat, scratching the back of his head, his sleeve coming unbuttoned due to the stretch.

Craig folded his arms, resting them on the slightly creaky table, "I don't hate coffee-"

"Oh shut up man, don't lie to me." Tweek huffed, "You don't need to like c-coffee..." He chewed his lip, unsure if what he said was helping the awkward atmosphere. "It's fine, really, it is. You don't have t-to like... for er, me to like..." His voice trailed off, his head now dipped down as he mumbled incoherently. 

Tweek flinched upon hearing the leg of a chair screech against the floor, followed by a soft pat on his hair. Craig had stood up and was now patting him on the head reassuringly in public. In  _public_. Tweek flushed deeply, Craig never showed his affection towards Tweek in public. Well, apart from that one time- 

"Wh-" Tweek was lifted up from his seat with a single tug on his arm. He looked up at Craig's now warm loving dark eyes.

"I hate coffee."

Tweek was then dragged out of the cafe after being insulted for his 'shitty tastes'. 

 

*  *  *  *  *   ***  ***   

 

 _ **Clyde**_ : Soo... Craig...

 _ **Craig**_ : it went well

 _ **Kenny**_ : i'm glad you took our advice then lol

 _ **Craig**_ : yeah 

 _ **Craig**_ : if it weren't for u idiots, we wouldn't have learnt more

 ** _Craig_** : about each other

 ** _Token_** : I can't tell if they're gonna take that as praise or

 ** _Clyde_** : AAAAAWWWW THANKS CRAIG!! No problem!

 ** _Kenny_** : yeah, no problem!

 _ **Stan**_ : Definitely praise...

 _ **Craig**_ : shut up that's the last time u 2 will get me to do anything

 ** _Kenny_** : psh i'm always here to help, even if it does mean forcing others

 _ **Kenny**_ : as long as it helps

 ** _Clyde_** : Well, that's another happy ending!

 _ **Token**_ : Cheesy much?

 ** _Kevin_** : Just like the 8th Star Wars Movie, The Phantom Menace

 _ **Clyde**_ : Shhhh Kevin

 ** _Craig_** : kenny shut up, ur not that great

 ** _Kenny_** : how mean

 _ **Craig**_ : ur as fucked up as kevin's hair

 _ **Kevin**_ : What

 _ **Kenny**_ : whatever mr. craig too-edgy-to-appreciate-friends tucker

 ** _Craig_** : when the fuck did i say that

 _ **Stan**_ : About a couple thousand times

 _ **Craig**_ : stay out of this small dick stan

 _ **Stan**_ : Dude we already removed those stupid name changes

 _ **Craig**_ : so?

 _ **Kenny**_ : hey guys you shouldn't be so rude to each other

 _ **Kenny**_ : show a lil love once in a while

 _ **Kenny**_ : i love my friends so much that i wouldn't mind an orgy  <3

 _ **Stan**_ : Get out

 _ **Craig**_ : what the actual fuck is wrong with u mccormick

 _ **Clyde**_ : That's a bit too much don't you think

 _ **Token**_ : You're one to talk, naming our group 'The Awesome Foursome'

 _ **Kenny**_ : nvm let me in your friends group

 _ **Stan**_ : Good, we don't want you in ours

 _ **Craig**_ : we don't want the walking std in ours either

 _ **Stan**_ : LOL

 ** _Token_** : Stan and Craig can only bond over abusing Kenny 

 _ **Kenny**_ : it pains me deeply

 _ **Craig**_ : good

 _ **Kenny**_ : anyway, buttercup attempted to kiss me today!

 _ **Kenny**_ : all on his own!!

 _ **Stan**_ : Seriously

 _ **Craig**_ : literally no one asked

 _ **Clyde**_ : HE HAS THE BALLS TO DO THAT?

 ** _Kenny_** : mhm mhm!

 _ **Kenny**_ : he tried to pull me down

 _ **Kenny**_ : it's so cute that's he's short! unlike robot over here

 ** _Craig_** : shut up i'm not that tall 

 _ **Stan**_ : Whatever, tree

 _ **Clyde**_ : Why don't you, street lamp

 _ **Token**_ : Eiffel tower 

 _ **Kenny**_ : skyscraper

 _ **Craig**_ : ok you fucking ants

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading the chapter! I'm still taking requests even though I'm thinking about ending this fanfic soon.


	9. Tweek is Jesus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Butters and Kenny are on a date, Craig's still a dick and Tweek is holy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies, I was at a family gathering for 5 days. On Sunday I'll be gone until next week Wed-Thurs. I'm sorry if the chapter is sloppy too. And, I've rethought about it, if requests keep coming then no - I won't end this on the 10th Chapter.

 

 _ **Clyde**_ : Craig knocked down his own teammate 

 _ **Clyde**_ : Not only once but

 _ **Clyde**_ :  _twice_ today

 _ **Stan**_ : I'm pretty sure it's been about five times by now

 _ **Token**_  : Be careful, you might get kicked out the club 

 _ **Craig**_ : piss off _mom_ , it's not my fault some of us are fleas

 _ **Token**_ : What

 _ **Clyde**_ : HAH TEAM MOM!

 _ **Token**_ : ...

 _ **Kyle**_ : Fuck off Craig, I started my growth spurt late

 _ **Stan**_ : It's cute

 _ **Kyle**_ : FFS STAN

 _ **Craig**_  : whatever midget

 _ **Craig**_ : how's the weather down there

 _ **Kyle**_ : FUCK YOU CRAIG T(F)UCKER

 _ **Craig**_ : no, kyle broflov(shittyassgingersmartassknowitallfucktard)ki

 _ **Clyde**_ : Damn

 _ **Kyle**_ : ...

 ** _Token_** : It's ok Kyle

 ** _Token_** : We've all been there 

 

  *** * * * * ***

 

"You know you want to... Or rather, you know you want _me_." Kenny nuzzled into the nape of his tinier, indescribably cute boyfriend who quivered under his embrace. He spoke in a rather lewd tone, words of encouragement and persuasion, trying to convince him to get  _intimate_.

Butters cleared his throat, palm pressed to his forehead, his vision getting hazy. "Ken... not in p-public." He cursed himself for stuttering.  

Kenny let go of him, freeing him from the clutches of temptation, disappointed. A wave of relief washed over Butters, he coughed twice before looking around quickly. Somehow nobody had noticed. Well, Stark's pond wasn't usually crowded at all these days. Kenny was, for the third time this month, banned from the Stotch household. And so, it has lead to this moment.

A peaceful date, hand in hand, on the bench at Stark's pond. Romantic.

...But too quiet. Too quiet for Kenny's liking. "Buttercup, let's kiss." He licked his lips, leaning in again.

"Gee Kenny, so straight-forward!" He shook his head in decline, lightly pushing him back, to the other boy's dismay. "K-Ken, not now, alright?"

The taller blond frowned, melodramatically, turning his head away with his eyes shut. "Oh dear... Buttercup doesn't love me anymore!" He cried out, opening a single eye to quickly glance back and see Butters become a stuttering mess. The corners of his mouth tugged into a sly grin.

"No, n-no, no! I do love you, I _really_ do!" Butters gripped onto the hood of his parka to try make Kenny face him again. "Golly, Kenny, please believe me- huh?" Mischievous laughter reached his ears. Butters felt warm arms clutch and rub both sides of his torso.

"I already believe you, Buttercup, but it's still... unbelievable."

"What? What do y-you mean by that, Ken?" 

"It's not that I don't believe your love for me, it's just that it's hard to believe it. What I'm trying to say is..." His arms slid up to his shoulders, causing Butters to look up and lock gazes with him. He took this as a sign that he was more than definitely serious. "I'm dangerous, vulgar... the p-... poor kid." He mumbled the last part, however much he accepted it. "I'm unworthy of you, Butters. Very, very unworthy." He then let one of his arms dangle to his side as they continued locking gazes.

" _Golly, Kenny, you think I don't already know that_?"

Butters exclaimed to his surprise. It made him flinch, eyes widening. "I don't care, K-Kenny... Oh hamburgers, don't make this hard! Don't you remember what I promised? We'd make enough money  _together_. We c-can get our own place and everything!"

They sat in silence. Butters stared deep into Kenny's eyes, wondering what he was thinking. What did Kenny think of him? How would he react to his outburst? He wondered many things, one of them being if he sounded convincing enough. He hoped the message of him truly being in love with the other boy clearly came across. 

More laughter. "Buttercup, that was the most romantic thing you've said to me. Ah, so stubborn... so cute-" 

He was thankfully silenced with a deep, crashing kiss. It's what he wanted in the first place, right? 

 

*** * * * * ***

**_Clyde_** : GUYS

 _ **Craig**_ : what

 _ **Cartman**_ : Most likely something retarded

 _ **Clyde**_ : Holy SHIT guys I'm actually fucking cRYING

 _ **Craig**_ : that's not news

 _ **Craig**_ : what a surprise

 _ **Stan**_ : Just continue

 _ **Kyle**_ : Tell us dude

 ** _Clyde_** : I saw Kenny trying to pick up a dollar 

 ** _Clyde_** : It was fake and

 _ **Clyde**_ : He almost fell into a fucking pitfall

 _ **Cartman**_ : That IS hilarious

 _ **Kenny**_ : clyde you son of a bitch i'm still here

 _ **Token**_ : Wow

 ** _Craig_** : damn i wish he fell in

 _ **Clyde**_ : That would've been 10x funnier

 _ **Kyle**_ : Dude that's kinda sad

 _ **Stan**_ : Being poor and all

 _ **Kenny**_ : awwwww

 ** _Clyde_** : Admit it, you would've laughed too if you saw someone fall for a trick like that

 _ **Clyde**_ : Anyways, I have something to share about  _me_

 _ **Craig**_ : that ur a dumbass?

 _ **Token**_ : That you're a crybaby?

 _ **Kyle**_ : That you cried during Ice Age when you're 17?

 _ **Cartman**_ : That nobody but three people can stand you?

 _ **Clyde**_ : Ok fuck all of you

 _ **Clyde**_ : I got higher than a  _F_ in my test

 _ **Kyle**_ : Really? What did you get?

 _ **Clyde**_ : D

 _ **Token**_ : I was going to congratulate you but

 _ **Craig**_ : fucking idiot

 _ **Kenny**_ : i got something to share too

 ** _Kenny_** : i have a big dick

 

_**[ Stanley Marsh has gone offline ]** _

_**[ Kyle Broflovski has gone offline ]** _

_**[ Eric Cartman has gone offline ]** _

 

 _ **Craig**_ : at least be truthful like clyde

 _ **Clyde**_ : Thanks Craig

 _ **Kenny**_ : craig you're just jealous 

 _ **Craig**_ : how can i be jealous of something that doesn't exist

 _ **Clyde**_ : HE JUST KEEPS GETTING  _ROASTED_

 _ **Token**_ : Don't be immature

 _ **Clyde**_ : Team mom alert

 _ **Kenny**_ : yikes craig 

 _ **Kenny**_ : anyway guys, butters kissed me again

 _ **Craig**_ : for fuck sake we didn't need to know

 _ **Tweek**_ : SORRY

 _ **Tweek**_ : I'm back now

 _ **Craig**_ : wb

 _ **Kenny**_ : whale cum back

 ** _Tweek_** : WHAT

__

_**[ Craig Tucker has kicked Kenneth McCormick from Gayland ]** _

 

 ** _Craig_** : anyway tweek

 _ **Tweek**_ : Yeah?

 _ **Craig**_ : i love u 

 _ **Craig**_ : *ur new profile picture

 _ **Clyde**_ : SMOOTH

 _ **Tweek**_ : PROFIE PICTR?

 ** _Tweek_** : H THNAKS

 _ **Token**_ : You broke him again

 _ **Craig**_ : i feel powerful

 

*** * * * * ***

 

 _ **Kenny**_ : guys **  
**

_**Kenny**_ : are we just gonna ignore

 _ **Kenny**_ : how close token was to clyde during lunch

 _ **Kyle**_ : Too close for Clyde's comfort 

 _ **Kenny**_ : lol, actually, he didn't mind~

 _ **Stan**_ : You're assuming that...

 _ **Craig**_ : clyde and token, best friends, like each-other?

 _ **Craig**_ : sounds familiar to another couple i know of

 _ **Kyle**_ : Don't assume things just yet

 _ **Kyle**_ : and stfu craig

 _ **Kenny**_ : eh

 _ **Kenny**_ : i thought it was kevin and clyde all along 

 _ **Craig**_ : well i did see clyde getting a little too close to kevin too

 ** _Kenny_** : damn

 _ **Stan**_ : He gets more boys than girls

 _ **Kenny**_ : anyway does anyone wanna come to my house and play strip poker

 _ **Craig**_ : no

 _ **Tweek**_ : WHAT HAPPENED TO REGULAR POKER?

 _ **Stan**_ : It's Kenny

 _ **Tweek**_ : Right..

 _ **Tweek**_ : WAIT DOES THAT MEAN YOU PLAY WITH STRIPS OF PAPER INSTEAD OF CARDS

 _ **Tweek**_ : That sounds a lot harder

 _ **Kenny**_ : come over and i can show you how hard it is ;)))

 _ **Stan**_ : Here it comes

 _ **Craig**_ : kenny

 _ **Craig**_ : i'm gonna fucking

 _ **Tweek**_ : CALM DOWN CRAIG

 _ **Craig**_ : do nothing harmful to u at all

 _ **Craig**_ : because i'm a passive person 

 ** _Kenny_** : awwww thanks

 _ **Craig**_ : last fucking chance mccormick

 _ **Stan**_ : lol 'Passive'

 _ **Craig**_ : yeah, i don't like tainting my fist 

 _ **Craig**_ : even if i want it to come in contact with kenny's face

 _ **Kenny**_ : craig fr, you're actually a huge dick

 _ **Craig**_ : yep

 _ **Stan**_ : Let's just change the topic, talking about Craig is boring

 _ **Craig**_ : fuck you too marsh

 _ **Stan**_ : Likewise

 _ **Kyle**_ : I'm just gonna leave

 _ **Craig**_ : please do

 _ **Kyle**_ : Don't fucking tell me what to do 

 _ **Craig**_ : wh...

 

_**[ Kyle Broflovski has gone offline ]** _

 

 _ **Tweek**_ : JESUS CHRIST MAN

 _ **Tweek**_ : I THNK JUST ACCIDENTALLY WALKED OVER SOMEONE

 _ **Tweek**_ : I DON'T KNOW IF HE'S DEAD OR ASLEEP

 _ **Stan**_ : How even...?

 _ **Tweek**_ : WAIT, HUMANS ARE 78% WATER RIGHT

 _ **Craig**_ : yeah, and?

 _ **Tweek**_ : THAT MEANS I'M 78% JESUS HIMSELF

 _ **Craig**_ : bless you, bless you, tweek, bless you

 _ **Tweek**_ : HAHA THANKS but really what do I FUCKING DO

 _ **Stan**_ : Just run before he wakes up

 _ **Tweek**_ _:_ I don't think he's gonna wake up even

 _ **Kenny**_ : run tweek  _RUN_

 

* * * * * *

 

 _ **Stan**_ : It's been ten minutes and he hasn't responded yet

 _ **Craig**_ : brb someones knocking on the door 

 _ **Kenny**_ : d'ya think he ran out of town or something

 _ **Stan**_ : Nah...

 _ **Stan**_ : Actually, not a bad assumption

 _ **Craig**_ : back 

 _ **Craig**_ : and no.

 _ **Craig**_ : he's at my house 

 _ **Craig**_ : in my bedroom now 

 _ **Kenny**_ : he's in the _bonezone_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent way too long on this. Thanks for reading! And yeah, now that I read over all of that, it was kinda rushed and possibly the worst jokes were used in this chapter.


	10. Cause of my tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tweek is a klutz, this happens to lead to more than what anyone would've expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tweek spills coffee on his phone (a prompt, thank you)!!
> 
> I've decided to make this the last chapter now that all the main tagged ships have gotten together. I will set this story to completed because the main story has been finished but if I want to, in my spare time, I'll add bonus/extra chapters. Maybe you guys could prompt me?

 

 _ **token**_  : So who did everyone get partnered with for the project?

 _ **craig**_ : ugh u had to remind us didn't u 

 _ **stan**_ : As if I'm the dumbass in this situation

 _ **craig**_ : i got a higher mark than u stfu

 ** _stan_** : Lies

 ** _kenny_** : well that answers part of your question

 _ **kenny**_ : i got ky

 _ **stan**_ : I swear if you do anything to him

 _ **kenny**_ : heh

 _ **kenny**_ : don't worry stan, i'm just gonna dump all the work on him

 _ **kenny**_ : he's better than me in like, every subject so

 _ **kyle**_ : Dude we both have to contribute

 ** _kenny_** : that's not compulsory tho is it? sir didn't say

 _ **token**_ : We were partnered for a reason

 _ **token**_ : I'm with Tweek

 _ **token**_ : I'm not sure how this'll work but I'll figure it out

 _ **craig**_ : oh ok, at least he wasn't partnered with kenny

 _ **kenny**_ : i know my boundaries smh..

 _ **kyle**_ : But do you really

 _ **kenny**_ : LOL NOPE

 _ **stan**_ : Stay a million feet away from him

 _ **kenny**_ : but this is a project that is required to work together 

 _ **kyle**_ : fuck sake

 _ **token**_ : Craig I see u and Tweek

 _ **craig**_ : ya we're here now

 _ **token**_ : Nice

 _ **stan**_ : What're you doing? A double date?

 _ **token**_ : No I don't have a date

 _ **stan**_ : ....

 _ **kenny**_ : yes, it's a double date

 _ **token**_ : I'm not even dating Clyde what

 _ **craig**_ : shut up go offline

 

_**[ craig Tucker has gone offline ]** _

 

 _ **token**_ : Well whatever

 _ **token**_ : Don't mess up the chat while we're gone

 

_**[ token Black has gone offline ]** _

 

 _ **kenny**_ : so anyway guys

 _ **stan**_ : No

 

**_[ stanley Marsh has gone offline ]_ **

 

 ** _kenny_** : meanie

 _ **kyle**_ : God you sound like a 5 year old

 _ **kyle**_ : Come to my house

 _ **kenny**_ : (;

 ** _kyle_** : Stop doing that creepy smiley

 _ **kenny**_ : it's not meant to be creepy (;

 _ **kyle**_ : It's creepy.

 _ **kenny**_ : (; are you seduced yet

 _ **kyle**_ : I'm not Butters

 _ **kyle**_ : and no

 _ **kyle**_ : Go away creep

 _ **kenny**_ : ky you just asked me to come to your house

 _ **kenny**_ : to do the project

 _ **kyle**_ : Not to do the project,

 _ **kyle**_ : To murder and bury you in the dumpster behind my house

 _ **kenny**_ : ..... );

 _ **kyle**_ : I was kidding

 _ **kenny**_ : ...... ))))));

 _ **kyle**_ : dude it was a joke

 ** _kenny_** : ... ))))))));

 _ **kyle**_ : Nevermind then

 _ **kyle**_ : I'm gonna kill your ass 

 _ **kenny**_ : oooo so you like being on the top?

 _ **kyle**_ : Yes

 _ **kyle**_ : On top of the roof to shove you off to your death 

 

  *** * ***  

 

"Here are your orders boys."

Finally.

They sighed in unison at the arrival if their long-awaited meal. They'd been waiting for almost thirty minutes and they had never been so delighted to see a simple plate of burgers and fries. "Could you please pass the ketchup Tweek?" Token asked, pointing at the half-empty red bottle. "The salt too please. Make sure it's not the pepper like last time."

Clyde snorted, glancing over at Craig with mischief in his eyes. "We already have enough _saltiness_ here- _ow_ _!_ It was just a joke stop, stop!" He pleaded, regretting his words immediately, before Craig twisted his arm the whole 360. " _Tokeeeen_! Craig almost broke my arm!" He whined, clutching onto the previous spot of pain. They both sighed, not in the mood and definitely too focused on ravenously chewing away at their meals. "Just eat." Was Token's only response. This made Clyde whimper even more to their dismay. Tweek smiled awkwardly at the usual 'banter' before reaching over to the ketchup bottle.

Only to knock down his cup of, perfectly good steaming hot, now wasted coffee on his phone. He gasped, frantically standing up before a few drops landed on his lap. Both Clyde and Craig shot up from their seat to quickly grab as many tissues as possible and wipe the mess.

Token carefully slid their plates away to the other side of the table. "Oh _shit_ your phone!" Clyde exclaimed, making Craig roll his eyes as he knew other diners were watching their little disastrous scene. "C-C-Crap I'm sorry guys, I-I think my phone's dead though." Fantastic. The day was already going downhill for Tweek and it wasn't even two pm.

"Don't apologise, we can get it repaired right now, alright?" The robot of the group comforted, reassuringly patting his shoulder before continuing to wipe the remaining coffee of the dead device. "I'm sure we can get a new one of they can't repair it now though." He just really needed to check on Tweek twenty four seven. It was a habit at this point. 

He nodded at his boyfriend's suggestion, "That's true but.. I-Isn't that a bit um... expensive?"

"Token give me your wallet."

"Fuck no."

Craig rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Just this once. Won't ask you again the rest of the week."

"Make that the rest of the month."

"Seriously? Fine, have it your way."

He handed him the cash, reluctantly, before watching them leave. Meaning he was left with Clyde and being left with Clyde wasn't a good thing unless you enjoy having fake stories of popularity shoved down your throat. Token being his closest, best friend however was used to it and some of the stories occasionally made him laugh. Sure, he did enjoy listening to some of the stories but most of them made him cringe and irritated. Those stories are mainly the ones focused on him getting closer to Bebe or some random girl at school who either only adores his looks, which he doesn't disagree with, or for shoes. He's stopped tuning out his voice lately, genuinely interested in what Clyde has to say. He wondered why. There were also the tiny brush of another foot against his underneath the table. He didn't mind that.  

They sat down on the leather seats, parallel to each other. Staring at each other. Smirking at each other.

"Hey Token... what's on your mind?" _You_ he so wanted to say. But for what reason? He's starting to figure it out. He's starting to feel afraid of his emotions now, should he say something about them? No. He simply shrugged at the question, responding flatly.

"Nothing much. Not hungry anymore, you?" 

He opened his mouth to speak. He hesitated, Token could tell. "Why won't you say anything?" Huh... what was that...? Didn't he just reply?

Clyde was no longer smiling, he looked like he was on the brink of tears. "You always give me that look but you don't say anything meaningful to go with it, Token, tell me what's really on your mind." He had never seen Clyde this serious with him. He figured him out and it seemed it had been that way for a while. "You make me cry Token. The most. You're always so blank and turn down my advances, you realise that, right?" It was true. Everything that he was saying was true. He hadn't expected a confession however.

"You make me cry because you're only my best friend and also because I can't deny that this isn't just a stupid little crush that I can just shrug off! Fuck you Token, okay? I know my tears mean nothing to you like the other millions I've cried out."  He folded his arms, pouting and looking away. Oh God is this really how this is gonna go. It was like they were already hooked up and Clyde was the never satisfied, clingy girlfriend (not to be sexist).

"Clyde... look this way... come on."

"Okay!" He took no time in turning back around, eagerly waiting for a response. Token scooted closer, leaning in a bit, Clyde did the same. He tensed a little at this. Two dorks in love, it seemed cliche. Especially with the best friend thing, seemed familiar. "I'll try this. I don't want you to cry. Don't cry, please, okay? I'm gonna try this with-"

"Really?" He reached across the table, eyes glistening with rapture. He had deflated a few minutes ago but now he was back to his happy-go-lucky expression. "I can't believe this is happening, it's happening right? Token you're not joking yeah?"

"You think I'm joking? Idiot-"

The buzz of Clyde's phone cut him off. He quickly scanned the message. "Oh, it's from Kevin, he wants to start the project at his house. I'll tell him I'm busy. Wow, he already wants to start the project, what a nerd! I'm still happy to have him as a partner though. Hah, If I didn't have him helping me I'd fail harder than anyone in the class."

"He's... smart. With Star wars that is."

"Are you already getting  _jealous-_ "

"Don't get ahead of yourself."

  *** * ***

_**stan**_ : Craig you fucking bastard where were you

 _ **stan**_ : fucking worst partner ever

 _ **kyle**_ : At least your partner doesn't draw fucking penises everywhere

 _ **kenny**_ : it's A R T 

 _ **stan**_ : Don't pile up even more work on him 

 _ **craig**_ : i was helping tweek get his phone repaired 

 _ **stan**_ : What happened to it

 _ **clyde**_ : He spilt coffee on it

 _ **clyde**_ : I was the one who paid for the drinks too :(

 _ **token**_ : Dude that was me

 _ **craig**_ : idc who paid ok

 _ **craig**_ : his phone's gonna return in 3 days ffs

 _ **kenny**_ : you needed to lay off the sexting anyway

 _ **stan**_ :  LOOOOL

 _ **kyle**_ : Please no more sexual related things

 _ **craig**_ : how the fuck would u know what we text to eachother

 _ **kenny**_ : i have my ways

 _ **token**_ : Anyway, I haven't seen fatass come online at all today

 _ **kyle**_ : Oh don't worry about that

 _ **stan**_ : We trapped him in Wendy's locker

 _ **kyle**_ : ya

 _ **craig**_ : for the first time in my life

 ** _craig_** : i'm thanking you 2

 _ **craig**_ : if i could trap fatass successfully in a locker

 ** _craig_** : without getting bellyflopped

 _ **clyde**_ : You'd be sooooooooo happy?

 _ **craig**_ : yes, i'd be sooooooooooo happy

 _ **craig**_ : how'd u kno

 _ **token**_ : We caught onto your little catchphrase since 4th grade 

 _ **craig**_ : oh

 _ **clyde**_ : Ok this may seem out of nowhere but

 _ **craig**_ : no

 _ **clyde**_ : Ily all

 _ **craig**_ : no 

*** * ***

 

 ** _butters_** : I don't want to be Cartman's partner anymore help **  
**

_**stan**_ : Has he done anything to you?

 _ **butters**_ : No, I haven't seen the fella all day

 ** _stan_** : Well, if you don't mind doing all the work by yourself

 ** _stan_** : Then you'll be ok until tomorrow

 _ **butters**_ : Oh that's good 

 _ **kenny**_ : kyle here fell asleep

 _ **kenny**_ : he over-worked

 _ **stan**_ : What did I say about piling work on him

 _ **kenny**_ : i swear i didn't

 _ **kenny**_ : he's just capable of doing most of it

 _ **stan**_ : Of course he is

 _ **kenny**_ : lol i drew a dick on his cheek

 _ **butters**_ : Geez Kenny let him rest

 _ **stan**_ : Me and you, after-school tomorrow

 _ **kenny**_ : lol whatever stanley

 _ **kenny**_ : O SHIT HE WOKE UP

 _ **butters**_ : Oh God

 _ **kenny**_ : CALL THE COPS

 _ **kenny**_ : I'M

 _ **stan**_ : ....

 _ **stan**_ : Kenny died

 _ **butters**_ : Rest in peace :(

 _ **stan**_ : So Butters, Kenny's not just a horny bastard to you right?

 _ **butters**_ : Golly Stan where is this coming from?

 _ **butters**_ : And no, no he isn't

 _ **butters**_ : he once bought me these bunny slippers, they're comfy!

 ** _stan_** : Good to know, he's a good guy

 _ **stan**_ : When he stops listening to his dick every minute that is

 _ **stan**_ : He's too observant and aware of other people's emotions for his own good

 _ **stan**_ : but yeah he helped me out through tough stages which i'll always be thankful for

 _ **butters**_ : Yes, yes, Kenny's a real nice guy!!

 _ **kenny**_ : AAAWWWW STAN THAT'S SO SWEET

 _ **stan**_ : The fuck

 

_**[ Stanley Marsh has kicked Kenneth McCormick out of Gayland ]** _

 

*** * ***

 

 _ **craig**_  : is anyone else online right now

 _ **kenny**_ : hello

 _ **craig**_ : i said,

 _ **craig**_ : is anyone else online right now??

 _ **kenny**  _: i just said hello

 _ **craig**_ :  ** _IS ANYONE ELSE ONLINE RIGHT NOW_**

 _ **clyde**  _: Ayyyyyyyyy Craig my boi!

 _ **craig**_ : fuck

 _ **craig**_ :  _this is my final desperate call for help_  

 _ **kevin**_ : Just like the response Yoda got in Star wars : The Clone Wars 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for making it this far, ily! Btw I'm thinking about making an alternate chapter where Clyde goes to Kevin's house instead of staying with Token for the Stolovan readers.


	11. Extra (After-story) 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just short snippets of them in the group chat (only) + a special douchebag joins the party.

**cartman** : So

**cartman** : everyone here

**cartman** : is gay? 

**kenny** : YEEEE BOOIIII THIS IS GAYLAND

**butters**  : WOO!

**kenny**  : asdkalsdajshd that was so cute

**cartman**  : Ffs I don't belong here

**kyle**  : That's true, why the fuck is he even here still

**cartman**  : Fuck off Kyle

**stan** : Why don't you

**kenny** : prince stan here to save the day~ 

**kenny** : don't worry kyle, you can be a princess just like me

**kyle** : Ew no

**kyle** : You can have that position

**kyle** : I'm still the Elf King!!

**stan** : Idk if I should find that cute or if I should be disappointed at your immaturity 

**butters** : Ohhh I remember 

**butters** : The Stick of Truth thing right?!

**kenny** : yes :)

**kenny** : i was the princess and you were the strong paladin!

**butters** : Hhahah it's all coming back to me now

**butters** : Who was that... other kid?

**cartman** : Douchebag you mean?

**cartman** : He was totally a douchebag

**stan** : Well no shit wizard fatass

**kenny** : ok ok stop no arguing

 

**`` _craig tucker has come online ``_**

 

**cartman** : ALL ELVES WERE ASSLICKERS

**kyle** : TAKE THAT BACK BITCH

**kenny** : guys

**cartman** : GO SUCK YOUR ELVEN DICK

**kenny** : STOP FUCKING YELLING

**stan** : YOU'RE YELLING TOO DUMBASS

**kyle** : EAT ALL OF YOUR FATASS CARTMAN

**kenny** : LISTEN TO ME I'M THE FUCKING PRINCESS HERE

**cartman** : SHUT UP ALL YOU DO IS BITCH AROUND

**kenny** : 

**cartman** : WHORE

**craig**  : you all need jesus

**kyle** : I'M FUCKING JEWISH 

*** * ***  

**token** : What even happened here...

**clyde** : It's like World War 8 broke out

**token** : ...you mean 3? 

**clyde**  : ....shit went down so hard that it's WW8

**token**  : True 

**token** : They went from talking about being gay to needing Jesus

 

`` _ **craig tucker has come online``**_  

 

**clyde** : OH 

**clyde** : RIGHT

**clyde** : Now that Craig's here....

**token** : oh boy.

**clyde** : WHAT WERE YOU AND TWEEK DOING BEHIND THE COUNTER AT TWEEK BROS.

**craig** : fuck u clyde

**craig** : i was helping him clean his workspace 

**token** : I heard he's feeling quite ill lately, right? 

**clyde** : ADMIT THAT YOU WERE LOOKING AT HIS ASS

**craig** : yeah

**craig** : WAIT WRONG FUCKING TIMING

**craig** : I WAS RESPONDING TO TOKEN

**clyde** : rrrrrEEAAALLLLLYYYY NOWWW???

**craig** : fuck you clyde, choke on a dick, kill yourself nobody loves u

 

**_``tweek tweak has gone offline``_ **

  *** * ***

  **butters** : Um is anyone else online or?

**dovahkiin**  : ...

**butters** : Uuuh... who are you fella?

**kyle** : That's Douchebag

**dovahkiin** : ...

**butters** : Aaaaahhhhh 

**butters** : Dovahkiin?

**dovahkiin** : ...

**kyle** : Yeah this doesn't feel right

 

**`` _kyle broflovski has changed dovahkiin to douchebag``_**

 

**kyle** : That's more like it

**douchebag** : ...

**kyle** : What? You're not even gonna take offence to that and reply?

**douchebag** : ...

**butters** : Golly

**butters** : He never really talked much did he

**kyle** : Well, even though he doesn't go to our school

**kyle** : I guess it's okay for him to be here

**butters** : Yeah! He was super helpful during the roleplay!

**butters** : Weren't ya, douchebag?

**douchebag** : ...

**butters** : ...That hurts a little

 

**`` _tweek tweak has come online``_**

 

**butters** : Oh hey Tweek

**butters** : Remember Douchebag?

**kyle** : Douchebag say hi

**tweek** : HUH? WHO'S DOUCHEBAG? IDK HIM

**douchebag** : ...

**tweek** : ah THAT douchebag

**kyle** : Of course, he recognises the guy once he dot dot fucking dots 

**douchebag**  : ...

**kyle** : What a range of vocabulary

**butters** : Douchebag, master of Ellipsis  

**douchebag** : ...

**butters** : Yeah!

**douchebag** : ...

**butters** : Mhm, mhm, gotcha!

**douchebag** : ...

**tweek** : OH AHAHAHAHA THAT'S A FUNNY JOKE

**butters** : Keep em coming Douchebag!

**douchebag** : ...

**kyle** : Uh-huh, Uh-huh, I know exactly what you're fucking saying 

**douchebag** : ...

**kyle** : YEP I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU ON THAT ONE DOUCHEBAG

**kyle** : BECAUSE I CAN DEFINITELY READ AND INTERPRET 

**kyle** : A SENTENCE FROM 3 MERE FUCKING DOTS

**douchebag** : everyone in this conversation has had dick up their ass

  *** * ***

**kenny** : hasdaudhjknfg i love douchebag 

**stan** : I admit

**stan** : That made me laugh

**kenny** : wait... 'everyone in this conversation' ohohoh

**kenny** : not only our boyfriends but

**craig** : please don't say it 

**kenny** : i wonder who had their dick up douchebag's ass

**craig** : wasn't he like

**craig** : popular with the chicks 

**kenny** : so what?

**craig** :

**craig** : ur just eager to have everyone be fucking gay aren't u  

**kenny** : ;))

**kenny** : well, that's their choice, not everyones gay but 

**kenny** : 

**kenny** : it'd be sweet

**stan** : Huh?

**stan** : How did you guys just blank text

**stan** : How do you send a msg with no words

**craig** : 

**craig** : well, i'd say douchebag

**craig** : is most likely to get himself a girl, he has many options

**craig** : the fucking douchebag

**stan** **:** what the fuck

**stan** : How'd you do that

**stan** :     .

**stan** : It's not working??

**kenny** : hmm well...

**kenny** :

**kenny** : whoever he chooses to fuck, i won't judge then

**craig** : 

**craig** : whatever, true

**stan** : Fuck you guys

*** * ***

**clyde** : KEVIN

**kevin** : Clyde

**clyde** : KEVIN

**kevin** : Clyde

**clyde** : KEEVVIIIINN

**clyde** : Cmon do it

**kevin** : Really

**kevin** : Ok

**kevin** : CLYYYYDEEEE

**clyde** : KKKKKEEEEEVVVIIIIINN

**craig** : it's fucking 2am in the morning shut the FUCup

**clyde** :

**kevin** :

**clyde** : lol he said fucup

  *** * ***

**craig** : yo what time did mr. garrison say there'd be a test firedrill

**stan** : Right after lunch time

**tweek** : THINK IT WAS AFTER LUNCH? idk

**craig** : thanks tweek 

**stan** : I just

**craig** : huh? what was that marsh? repeat it 

**stan** :  _You fucking dickhead_

**craig** : right, right

*** * ***

**kenny** : HOLY FUCKING SHIT GUYS

**kenny** : I JUST WENT TO TOKENS HOUSE AND DAMN

**kenny** : HE HAS  _TWO_ FRIDGES.  _TWO_  

**token** : Kenny, one of them is called a Freezer

**kenny** : THE LIGHTS DIDN'T BREAK WHEN I FLICKED THEM OFF AND ON 4 TIMES IN A ROW 

**kenny** : THE TOILET ALSO FLUSHED AUTOMATICALLY

**craig** : why are you in his house...

**clyde** : LOLOLOL STILL THE POOR KID

**clyde** : It's like a whole new universe for him

**kenny** : DAMN RIGHT IT IS

**token** : I can't tell if I should feel annoyed or sympathetic. 

**kenny** : I GOT A DATE WITH A WORKING MICROWAVE

* * *

**clyde** : Guys I see Tweek following Craig behind his workplace

**token** : Clyde this is called stalking

**clyde** : 'a-ah... craig..'

**kyle** : YOU'RE MAKING THIS SHIT UP NOW

**clyde** : nononono I'm not

**clyde** : Come over and see too

**kyle** : Dude wtf that's creepy, leave them be

**clyde** : SO YOU DO ADMIT IT'S HAPPENING

**token** : Tweek would  _not_ be that brave to do that stuff in public

**token** : even if they are behind the building

**clyde** : Alright, alright you got me, I'm jk 

**clyde** : but just in case I am in fact right, I'M GONNA TAKE A LOOK

**kyle** : DUDE WTF 

**token** : Don't.

**clyde** : Psh, I'm not really gonna

**clyde** : OH SHIT

**clyde** : wait wait wait I hear more footsteps

**token** : What? Who walked in before you could?

**clyde** : IDFK, you guys told me not to check

**kyle** : Well now you just made us curious

**clyde** : Ohohoohhooh, I wonderrrr

**token** : This is more dramatic than a netflix series

**clyde** : I'm really tempted to check who it is now

**token** : Just tell us who the fuck it is

**kenny** : hi

 

`` _ **kenny sent (image)``**_

 

**kyle** : Oh for fuck sake

**token** : Is that you taking a selfie with Tweek and Craig

**clyde** : I saw it happen  

**kenny** : i mean, i wish i could've taken a selfie with craig sucking off tweek in the background

**kenny** : but that wasn't the case, they weren't really doing anything like that

**kenny** : so me subtly interrupting their make-out session will have to do 

**token** : 'Subtly' 

**kyle** : You stood right in front of them and took a damn selfie

**kenny** : yeah, subtly

**kenny** : i mean, i would've loved to film an entire gay porno if things got more heated

**kyle** : You fucking bastard...

* * *

**clyde** : GUYS WANNA HAVE A SLEEPOVER??!?!?

**clyde** : SATURDAYS COMIN UP

**craig** : no

**craig** : the last time i slept over at ur house, my fucking shoes were on fire

**craig** : and i liked those shoes

**craig** : so fuck u

**token** : The last time I slept over at your house, my wallet ended up on the roof

**tweek** : I DON'T THINK I'LL EVER SLEEP AT YOUR HOUSE NO OFFENCE CLYDE

**craig** : good boy 

**clyde** : HEY HEY HEY let me finish

**clyde** : I was gonna say we sleep over at token's

**craig** : i'm down for that

**tweek** : SAME HERE i guess

**token** : Fuck sake

**token** : No. Not happening.

**token** : How about Craig's

**clyde** : THE ENTIRE HOUSE SMELLS LIKE RAT SHIT

**craig** : *guinea pig, u uncultured swine 

**craig** : fucking ungrateful asshole

**craig** : not at my house

**tweek** : I DON'T THINK IT SHOULD BE AT MY HOUSE

**tweek** : DON'T ASK WHY 

**craig** : shhhh it's fine

**craig** : ok look, we'll go to clyde's

c **raig** : but if anything shitty happens then we're never sleeping over there ever again

**clyde** : YAYYYY

*** * ***

**butters** : I hope their sleepover's going well

**kenny** : damn, they had a sleepover?

**kenny** : i can't remember the last time i went to one

**kyle** : That's because we grew tired of Cartman ruining them all the time

 

**`` _craig tucker has come online``_**

 

**butters** : Hi Craig, hows it going?

**craig** : the kitchen is on fire 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ty for reading! This story is completed but after not updating it for a month, I felt like I just had to write a little extra. Let me know if I should do another one of these.


	12. Extra (After-story) 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's comments really boost my self esteem and of course, they put a smile on my face! There was a lot of positive feedback from the first part and I couldn't help but write more, I'm so sorry lmao

**token** : Okay

 **clyde** : Hiiii 

 **token** : Who took the last dollar from my pocket

 **kenny** : wtf?

 **kenny** : who did that

 **token** : Kenny give me back the dollar

 **clyde** : Not even gonna say hi back? :(

 **kenny** : it wasn't me i swear

 **token** : Then how were you able to afford a snack today during lunch

 **kenny** : i 

 **kenny** : it was free 

 **token** : Kenny, they're only free on Fridays

 **kenny** : yeah ik, today's friday

 **token** : IT'S FUCKING MONDAY

 **kenny** : oh really

 **kenny** : how would u know

 **token** :

 **token** : Just...

 **token** : Pay me back a dollar tomorrow

 **clyde** : AY TOKEN I'M HERE TOO

 **token** : Yeah, I'm aware of that

 **clyde** : 

 **clyde** : DON'T IGNORE ME :'''(

 **kenny** : shit 

 **kenny** : how the fuck do u think i can pay you back????

 **token** : Yeah well, this is why you shouldn't have taken my dollar

 **kenny** : oh come on dude, it's just one dollar out of your gazillionrillion

 **token** : That is not a word

 **kenny** : think about it, you have enough to buy the most expensive thing in the world!

 **token** : I wouldn't spend my money on 'the most expensive thing on the world'

 **clyde** : STOPPPPP IGGGNORRRIINGGGG MEEEEE

 **token** : I'd spend my stacks of money on shutting Clyde up

 **kenny** : wise choice, my friend

 **token** : we are not friends

*** * ***

**clyde** : aayyyy whos up?

 **craig** : go to sleep

 **clyde** : HI CRAIG

 **craig** : what do u want

 **kenny** : heyyy clyde

 **clyde** : hhEEY

 **clyde** : i need help with the assignment 

 **kenny** : same here,  thats why im up too

 **craig** : i want to kill myself so badly right now

 **craig** : ok

 **craig** : how many paragraphs did you do during class

 **craig** : we were supposed to do 9

 **kenny** : oh, i thought five

 **craig** : no

 **kenny** : oh... i'll go check

 **clyde** : Uuh lost count hang on let me check

 **clyde** : One

 **craig** : 

 **kenny** : zero

 **craig** : 

 **craig** :  _why the fuck did you guys next to even check_

 **craig**  : "oh, i wonder how many paragraphs i wrote"

 **craig** : "i lost count"

 **craig** : "oh ye,  _none"_

 **kenny** : FUCK YOU CRAIG JUST HELP US 

 **craig** : listen, the only help u need is from the mental hospital

*** * ***

**kyle** : I assume you guys failed to complete the assignment 

 **clyde** : IT'S NOT MY FAULT CRAIG DIDN'T TEACH ME PROPERLY

 **craig** : hold the fuck up

 **craig** : ur the one who 'lost' his pen for 3 fUCKING HOURS

 **clyde** : It WAS A PAINFUL TIME

 **clyde** : poor spider man :(

 **kyle** : Spider man?

 **craig** : his pen's name is spider man

 **kyle** : of course it is

 **stan** : Yeah, then there's Iron man the pencil and Captain America the erasor

 **clyde** : WELL AT LEAST MY PENCIL ISN'T CALLED PENNY 

 **stan** : .....

 **stan** : yOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT PENNY SHUT UP

 **kyle** : Stan

 **kyle** : Wtf

 **craig** : meh, i was more of a dc person growing up

 **tweek** : Me TOO

 **clyde** : LMAO SUPERTWEEK AND WONDERCRAIG

 **craig** : dude, wrong. it's the other way round

 **craig** : i'm not the woman

 **tweek** : WAIT WHAT

 **craig** : shhhhhhhhhh

 **craig** : u saw nothing

 

**_``tweek tweak has gone offline``_ **

*** * ***

**clyde** : ayyyyy douchebag I see you're online

 **douchebag** : ...

 **clyde** : So... Douchebag...

 **stan** : Are we seriously capitalising the word 'douchebag'

 **clyde** : Smfh Stan, don't you know what verbs are?

 **stan** : His name is a nown, not a verb, Clyde

 **douchebag** : ...

 **craig** : ur both fucking illiterates 

 **craig** : it's  _noun_ not  _nown_ doofus.

 **craig** : and definitely not verb

 **douchebag** : ...

 **clyde** : Whoa Craig, when did you become a literary God

 **craig** : whatever

 **stan** : You're saying this to the one who doesn't even capitalise his messages 

 **craig** : at least i can spell 

 **clyde** : Anyway

 **clyde** :

 **clyde** :  USE 3 FULLSTOPS IN YOUR MESSAGE IF YOU'RE AN ASSLICKER

 **douchebag** : ..

 **stan** : Wow

 **clyde** : ...smart guy

 **craig** : unlike you, asslicker 

  *** * ***

 **kenny** : hey guys

 **kenny** : wanna eat sausages at my house? ;))))))

 **stan** : No.

 **kyle** : no..

 **cartman** : Hell no

 **token** : Nope

 **clyde** : Nah

 **tweek** : UM

 **craig** : go fuck yourself

*** * ***

**kenny** : gUYS

 **kenny** : i LOST MY SCHOOL BACKPACK

 **kyle** : What did it look like again

 **craig** : lol sucks for u

 **kenny** : OK WELL UM

 **kenny** : IT HAD MY THINGS IN IT AND

 **kenny** : IT HAD A STRAP THAT I PUT ON MY SHOULDERS

 **craig** : that..

 **kyle** : - Is a fucking TERRIBLE explanation  

 **craig** : "HELLO, I'M LOOKING FOR MY SCHOOL BACKPACK"

 **craig** : "I UUUUUHHH, CARRY STUFF IN IT AND I WEAR IT TO SCHOOL"

 **kyle** : PFFFFFFTTT

 **kenny** : jusT hELP ME

 **kyle** : I would be concerned but it's not like you actually carry your school stuff in there

 **kyle** : Unless you consider porn mags related to school

 **kenny** : FOR 

 **kenny** : FUCKING

 **kenny** :  _sex ;)))_

 **kenny**  : ED, KYLE

 **kenny** : SEX ED!!!

  *** * ***

 **clyde** : alRIGHT guys, It's 2am

 **clyde** : Some of us are still awake

 **clyde** : Whaddya wanna do 

 **token** : Well, like you said, it's now 2am

 **token** : The most reasonable thing to do is sleep

 **clyde** : And when do we  _ever_ do the reasonable choice

 **token** : True...

 **butters** : Hmmm...

 **butters** : The 'most likely' game?

 **craig** : okay, most likely to get their ass kicked mercilessly tomorrow for throwing my toothbrush into the kitchen fire

 **craig** : clyde.

 **clyde** : I THOUGHT IT WOULD HELP PUT THE FIRE OUT

 **craig** : at what point did u think a toothbrush could put it out

 **craig** : when it was wet with water or when it was just casually sitting there near the sink

 **craig** : NEWSFLASH - that was a fucking terrible idea either way

 **kenny** : oooOKAY back to the game

 **kenny** : wait first - whos hotter, Cartman or 

 **token** : Whoever it is you're about to say, they're hotter

 **clyde** : Agreed

 **kyle** : No objections here

 **kenny** : thanks guys ;)

 **craig** : nvm cartman

 **clyde** : holy SHIT THAT'S A DOWNRIGHT INSULT

 **kenny** : craig you fucking asshole, we all know thats a lie

 **butters** : Okay, okay, most likely to die first

 **kyle** : what the FUCK butters

 **clyde** : Wow. Shit. Butters, fucking dark dude

 **token :** I'd say Kenny

 **kenny** : yeah

 **token** : What

 **kenny** : nevermind

  *** * ***

 **kevin** : You guys were up until 4am playing that game?

 **clyde** : Well, 10% it was the game, 90% was random aruging

 **kevin** : I think it would've been better if you slept

 **clyde** : YEP

 **clyde** : Btw Kevin, how come you don't talk much here?

 **kevin** : I'm too busy reinstalling and playing through Rebel Assault

 **clyde** : Is that a 

 **kevin** : star wars game? yes

 **clyde** : Don't you have any other interests, other than star wars?

 **kevin** : ....

 **kevin** : I...

 **kevin** : I've never thought about that

 **clyde** : COME 2 MY HOUSE, WE GONNA PLAY NINTENDO

 **kevin** : fine

*** * ***

**craig** : so

 **craig** : would anyone like to explain why

 **craig** : that girl was trying to hit on tweek

 **token** : the new girl from the other class? Ask her yourself

 **craig** : i don't even wanna be in the mere radius of that bitch

 **clyde** : LOL Craig's jelly of a girl

 **craig** : i ain't jelly, it's my job to be concerned about this

 **craig** : but yeah she can go  jump off a cliff

 **token** : Anyway, you don't have anything to be jealous of

 **token** : You did see, right? 

 **craig** : what

 **token** : Oh, nothing, just the way Tweek turned the opposite direction from her 

 **token** : and proceeded to shriek whilst running off

 **craig** : thats a good tweek 

* * *

 **kyle** : I can no longer look at Clyde for what I have seen from him

 **kenny** : was it his dick becau

 **kyle** : It was

 **kyle** : Disgusting

 **kyle** : Horrible

 **kyle** : Awful

 **kyle** : Dreadful

 **token** : Synonyms of Cartman,

 **cartman** : FUCK OFF

 **tweek** : CHRIST THOSE ARE SOME SHITTY WORDS

 **tweek** : What happened!?!?

 **kyle** : I

 **kyle** : I saw Clyde dab not once, not twice, not three times

 **kyle** : but ten times in a row in front of Mr. Mackey

 **kyle** : and they weren't just dabs

 **kyle** : they were double dabs

 **craig** : mr.mackey died of cancer the next day

  *** * ***

 **clyde** : SO GUYS

 **clyde** : y'know Damien?

 **token** : Yeah

 **craig** : no

 **clyde** : You don't remember Damien?

 **craig** : i do. no as in, i know what ur thinking

 **craig** : DON'T add him

 **stan** : Yeah, we have enough edgelords

 **stan** : *cough* Craig *cough*

 **craig** : i'm not edgy

 **craig** : i'm just not optimistically stupid like clyde over here

 **clyde** : Why're you always so mean to me ;(

 **craig**  :i really wonder

 **clyde**  : I’m adding his boyfriend, Pippy, too

 **craig** :  _sigh_

 **stan** : That one bullied kid?

 **clyde** : yep

 **kyle** : Do you think he'd even  _want_ to be here?

 **clyde** : Nope

 

**`` _clyde donovan has added pip pirrup``_**

 

_**``clyde donovan has added damien thorn``** _

 

 **clyde** : Ok! First rule in gayland

 

**`` _damien thorn has changed Gayland to Hell``_**

 

 **clyde** : ok nevermind..

 **damien** : First rule in Hell

 **pip** : I don't really approve of that title but whatever works!

 **clyde** : What a nice kid you are, Pip, why are people so rude to you

 **craig** :  _says the one who spit on his clothes back in fourth grade_

 **pip**  : Oh yes!

 **pip** : I remember, you won the competition of who could spit the most on me

 **clyde** : o kK Im sorRRY DUDE

 **pip** : What? I'm not sure what you did wrong but apology accepted?

 **stan** : Damn it you actually added him

 **kyle** : wtf

 **kenny**  : LMAO IS THAT PIP

 **pip**  : I assume Cartman's here as well?

 **cartman** : Shut the fuck up Pip

 **pip** : righto

 **cartman** : oH for fuck sake is that Damien

 **cartman** : Get out fucking weirdass eyebrow ass

 **pip** : That's a little rude, Jesus christ

 **damien** : -was a holy piece of shitstain

 

 *** * ***  

 **kenny** : yknow what guys,

 **kenny** : i can see why the all the girls crush on douchebag

 **cartman** : I don't, douchebag's an even worse name than Pip Pirrup

 **douchebag** : ...

 **clyde** : Yeah I get what you mean Ken

 **butters** : He is quite the nice fella

 **craig** :

 **craig** : wait so

 **kenny** : yes, craig?

 **craig** : is everyone just gay for douchebag

 **cartman** : Outta all of you assholes, if I had to pick a dude

 **cartman** : Not tryna start anything but he was the best player 

 **cartman** : I was truly the best though so I mean as in 2nd to best

 **douchebag** : ...

 **kyle** : Ok ok we get it shut the fuck up

 **kyle** : LOL even fatass would date douchebag

 **stan** : I thought he liked Wendy

 **craig** : stan, those same words came out of everyone's mouths

 **craig** : when you guys were still on and off dating

 **stan** : for fuck sake Craig you can't just stop being a dick can you 

 **craig** : (:

 **kenny** : well SHIT that's terrifying 

 **craig** : what

 **kenny** : craig using a smiley

 **kenny** : 1/9999999 chance in his msgs

 **cartman** : Wendy? EEEEWWWWW

 **stan** : Dont' deny it

 **stan** : fatass

 **kenny** : lol she's too busy dating  _bebe_  ~

 

**`` _cartman has gone offline``_**

 

 **kyle** : Wait what, for real? 

 **kenny** : idk but they're besties, ofc they spend a lot of time together

 **kenny** : but it would be cute to me 

 **stan** : You pair anything that moves and find it cute 

 **kenny** : yeah 

  *** * ***

 **craig** : Sup I'm Craig

 **token** : Who stole Craig's phone

 **craig** : Aw come on you didn't even let me finish

 **tweek** : _**clyde**_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tysm for reading!


	13. Short A/N

Hi there! My name is Lacere! Thank you so much for reading this story! Unfortunately, I've lost quite a lot of interest despite a lot of urges in the past to add more extras but I hope you enjoy re-reading the chapters that are already here. Thank you, thank you thank you for all of the nice comments. I've never had this much feedback  _ever_ and it warms my heart, I'm not even kidding. Fellow Authors will understand. Perhaps in the future I will make even more of these south park fics!!

With the boring stuff out of the way... 

(o´∀`o) / bye bye! Thank u for reading ♡♡♡

[07/12/17]

Oh my Gogdhscnsbbs I'm re reading this and holy shit its so cringe to me idk what i was doing half the time hhdhsbshfnbs im really tempted to re-write this or make another story for this entirely. I’ll do the latter probably.

ty for reading this garbage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little self promotion : You don't have to but I have a Bunny story up that includes a short snippet of with The Awesome Foursome.


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